Finished watching 'Friends' today, shall have to buy another season now. Also watched a bit of 'Family Guy' before the computer decided it didn't like the disk anymore.
Mum, dad, Kate and I went to the new mini golf next to the woolshed today. I am a terrible mini golf player. I mean, im really, really bad! I guess i just don't like the lttle balls. I had fun though. I must have looked so strange!! I was wearing: black jeans, black and darker black striped jumper that belongs to my sister and is tight around the bust, black necklace that you could only see the chord of because of the high neck on the jumper, black ipod. And then i was singing and dancing along to 'Build Me Up Buttercup' while playing mini gold. Hmmm, what doens't belong...
When i don't have something regular, like school, going on in my life to keep me regulated, i loose track of everything! Especially time. Even on a good day i can't tell how much time has passed. I'll think it's only been a few minutes, and then i'll be late for school. Not good.
Kate wants to go with mum to the hospital for her radio therapy sometime this week. Mum asked me if i wanted to go. I knew the answer, not really, but i didn't know how to say it. I think the thing is, if i go to the hospital, i'll have to look at this more closely. And i think doing that will just scare me even more. And i'm scared enough already. People just don't know it.
I haven't really though about this stuff for a while. I've just been pushing it to the back of my mind. Coz when i do look at it harder, i always look at the worst possibly outcome. And i really don't wanna do that.
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if i forget the things you said, will you still be my friend? if i forget the things you did, can we pretend this isn't the end?
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
26.12.2006
Slept in again today, gotta love the holls. Got up a bit before 10.30 to say goodbye to my couisn Peita who stayed the night with us, watched tv, had a shower, got dressed. Mum and Kate took me to centeral square to meet Jacky and Elissa to do some boxing day shopping. Only ended up spending $15. $5 on a couple of bracelets - one gray one black - from Cotton On, as well as buying a $10 stripy top from Coll Girl. Elissa got a matching one.
I don't mind shopping, but im not crazy about it, and i've decided that if i ever have something clothing wise to buy for myself, that i probably wont go with them for that, i'll probably go with mum actually. It's not that i don't have fun shopping with them - i do - it's just that the stores they wanna shop in aren't generally my kind of stores. I mean, sure, i may find something i like every now and again, and i think the stores they like - jayjays, glassons, just jeans, cotton on, cool girl - i think they're all great for jewellery and as i said, once in a while i'll find something i like, but they're really not my type of shops. And i think the sizing is pretty screwed up as well. Jacky was complaining that the sizes she was trying on in all those kinda of stores were bigger than the ones she'd been trying on that morning with her mum. And she thinks that's bad! In my wardrobe i have clothing ranging from size 10-16! And all of them fit me fine!! I mean, i know there's no set sizing for aus, but you'd think stores would at least try to make their sizings slightly simalar so they didn't completly screw with their customers heads is probably a good idea.
Another thing that's been buggins me lately is people bagging out the music i listen to. Okay, so some of my friends don't like Kasey Chambers, Hilary Duff, Fergie, Jonney Cash, Riannah, Pink or whatever else i listen to. I have no problem with the fact they don't like my music, we have different taste. It seems others do have a problem with our different taste. I really wish people would quit saying 'I can not believe you listen to him/her/them!!' or 'How can you listen to that?' very easy actually. I respect your taste. Please do the same with mine.
And if you're gonna keep bagging out my taste, please stop obsessing over your music in front of me. Ever think maybe im not crazy about Jeff Buckley? Sure i like the guy. But i could care less about the fact that he had a vocal range of 4 and a half octaves. Okay, so i actually think that's pretty cool, but i dont think hes a genius.
Anyway. I'm cold. It's one o'clock in the morning. I'm listening to S Club 7 (or maybe S Club. I don't know how many were in the group when they recorded 'Love Train') My neck hurts.
I need so much help. Unfortunatly to get this help I need large quantities of money. So untill I have this money I'll sit in my room at one am all by myself listening to S Club 7.
Someone help me.
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i don't know where i'm going. i don't even know where i've been
I don't mind shopping, but im not crazy about it, and i've decided that if i ever have something clothing wise to buy for myself, that i probably wont go with them for that, i'll probably go with mum actually. It's not that i don't have fun shopping with them - i do - it's just that the stores they wanna shop in aren't generally my kind of stores. I mean, sure, i may find something i like every now and again, and i think the stores they like - jayjays, glassons, just jeans, cotton on, cool girl - i think they're all great for jewellery and as i said, once in a while i'll find something i like, but they're really not my type of shops. And i think the sizing is pretty screwed up as well. Jacky was complaining that the sizes she was trying on in all those kinda of stores were bigger than the ones she'd been trying on that morning with her mum. And she thinks that's bad! In my wardrobe i have clothing ranging from size 10-16! And all of them fit me fine!! I mean, i know there's no set sizing for aus, but you'd think stores would at least try to make their sizings slightly simalar so they didn't completly screw with their customers heads is probably a good idea.
Another thing that's been buggins me lately is people bagging out the music i listen to. Okay, so some of my friends don't like Kasey Chambers, Hilary Duff, Fergie, Jonney Cash, Riannah, Pink or whatever else i listen to. I have no problem with the fact they don't like my music, we have different taste. It seems others do have a problem with our different taste. I really wish people would quit saying 'I can not believe you listen to him/her/them!!' or 'How can you listen to that?' very easy actually. I respect your taste. Please do the same with mine.
And if you're gonna keep bagging out my taste, please stop obsessing over your music in front of me. Ever think maybe im not crazy about Jeff Buckley? Sure i like the guy. But i could care less about the fact that he had a vocal range of 4 and a half octaves. Okay, so i actually think that's pretty cool, but i dont think hes a genius.
Anyway. I'm cold. It's one o'clock in the morning. I'm listening to S Club 7 (or maybe S Club. I don't know how many were in the group when they recorded 'Love Train') My neck hurts.
I need so much help. Unfortunatly to get this help I need large quantities of money. So untill I have this money I'll sit in my room at one am all by myself listening to S Club 7.
Someone help me.
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i don't know where i'm going. i don't even know where i've been
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
A List Of Things You Quite Possibly Didn't Want To Know About Me
#1. I listen to rap
#2. I listen to pop. Really. Really. Bad. Pop
#3. I listen to country
#4. I have a myspace profile
#5. And three blogs
#6. I have stuffed animals in my room
#7. My bedroom walls are covered in random bits of paper
#8. And a corkboard
#9. And photos
#10. And paintings done at school
#11. And a quilted advent calender I made
#12. I read books a 14 year old girl should never read
#13. I have a black I-pod video
#14. I have a double bed
#15. I like having other people sleeping in my bed/bedroom
#16. During the holidays I slowly become nocturnal
#17. I sometimes make my own jewellery
#18. I sometimes find myself talking out loud even when no one's around to hear
#19. I don't have a very good sense of smell
#20. I love singing. I'm not very good. But I love doing it. I'm in a band as a singer, not lead obviously
#21. I really like Reece Witherspoons singing in 'Walk The Line'
#22. I'm taller than both my parents
#23. My absolute favorite book of all time is 'Twilight' by Setphenie Myer
#24. My hand writing is pretty damn bad
#25. I can get a job in April
#26. I quite like horror movies
#27. I have a big purple monkey in my bed
#28. I have snoopy pyjamas
#29. I have a pair of bugs bunny pyjama pants
#30. I'm relitivly well travelled. I've been to England, Paris, Singapore, Hong Kong, New Zealand, Day Dream Island and vairous other places
#31. I want to go to Greece, Italy, Spain, Rome, New York and again, various other places
#32. The coldest part of my bdoy is generally my nose
#33. I refuse to wear a rain coat, even when it's pouring rain out
#34. I wouldn't mind being a model
#35. I write poems
#36. I try and write songs
#37. I like wearing my hair in pigtails
#38. I've never really had a boyfriend
#39. I'd love to sing country, blues or swing
#40. I don't think enough before I speak
#41. I love 'Friends'
#42. But I only own season 4
#43. But I plan to buy, beg, steal, borrow or have given to me the rest of the seasons
#44. I love British accents
#45. I originally come from Brittan, I was born in Redhill, Surry
#2. I listen to pop. Really. Really. Bad. Pop
#3. I listen to country
#4. I have a myspace profile
#5. And three blogs
#6. I have stuffed animals in my room
#7. My bedroom walls are covered in random bits of paper
#8. And a corkboard
#9. And photos
#10. And paintings done at school
#11. And a quilted advent calender I made
#12. I read books a 14 year old girl should never read
#13. I have a black I-pod video
#14. I have a double bed
#15. I like having other people sleeping in my bed/bedroom
#16. During the holidays I slowly become nocturnal
#17. I sometimes make my own jewellery
#18. I sometimes find myself talking out loud even when no one's around to hear
#19. I don't have a very good sense of smell
#20. I love singing. I'm not very good. But I love doing it. I'm in a band as a singer, not lead obviously
#21. I really like Reece Witherspoons singing in 'Walk The Line'
#22. I'm taller than both my parents
#23. My absolute favorite book of all time is 'Twilight' by Setphenie Myer
#24. My hand writing is pretty damn bad
#25. I can get a job in April
#26. I quite like horror movies
#27. I have a big purple monkey in my bed
#28. I have snoopy pyjamas
#29. I have a pair of bugs bunny pyjama pants
#30. I'm relitivly well travelled. I've been to England, Paris, Singapore, Hong Kong, New Zealand, Day Dream Island and vairous other places
#31. I want to go to Greece, Italy, Spain, Rome, New York and again, various other places
#32. The coldest part of my bdoy is generally my nose
#33. I refuse to wear a rain coat, even when it's pouring rain out
#34. I wouldn't mind being a model
#35. I write poems
#36. I try and write songs
#37. I like wearing my hair in pigtails
#38. I've never really had a boyfriend
#39. I'd love to sing country, blues or swing
#40. I don't think enough before I speak
#41. I love 'Friends'
#42. But I only own season 4
#43. But I plan to buy, beg, steal, borrow or have given to me the rest of the seasons
#44. I love British accents
#45. I originally come from Brittan, I was born in Redhill, Surry
Sunday, December 24, 2006
More on this modelling thing...
Okay, if you haven't read the below post, go read that, coz this will make no sense otherwise.
I was thinking about this whole modeling thing some more, and realised that it's something i'd really actually like to try and do. So i started looking some stuff up on the net. Most of the sites i found let you create your own online profile/pholio. At a charge of $500 bucks. I decided they really weren't my thing. Then i found this one site called 'Allstars', great name i know.
Basically on this site, you fill out a form, either online or you can send it via snail mail, attatch a couple of photos (one a head and shoulder shot, the other a full body shot). They get back to you after about 7 work days, if they like you, they'll call you in for an interview (they're based in Melbourne) and if they don't they'll suggest some other modelling compainies you could try.
I was really interested in doing that. But a) i have no decent full body shots and b) i'd want to ask mum before i sent it off. I wasn't sure how to breech the suject to mum. Again i thought she'd just laugh. I was standing next to her in the kitchen, chopping potatoes (he he. potatoes), and i didn't know what to say!!! I was trying to make myself say something, anything!, about it but i couldn't! Then i was just like. 'Hey mum. Know how we were talking about the modelling stuff last night?' And i explained to her that i'd like to try and get into it and that i'd looked up some stuff on the net. She wasn't overly enthusiastic, but i was pretty happy with the way she reacted. I explained about the form, the photos and how if they wanted an interview we'd probably have to go to Melbourne. I said that i didn't think getting an interview was very likely, but she was like ' i dont know, you might' then she went to say something else but stopped and said that it depended on what they were looking for. She also said i should wait a while untill my skin cleared up a bit. Stoopid spots :-P
Hhhmmmm. I'm thinking of becoming a model..... coz that doesn't make me concited, or superficial or a brat or anything like that. Still. Even if it does make me those things. I still wanna give it a try.
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we think about forever but we've only got today
I was thinking about this whole modeling thing some more, and realised that it's something i'd really actually like to try and do. So i started looking some stuff up on the net. Most of the sites i found let you create your own online profile/pholio. At a charge of $500 bucks. I decided they really weren't my thing. Then i found this one site called 'Allstars', great name i know.
Basically on this site, you fill out a form, either online or you can send it via snail mail, attatch a couple of photos (one a head and shoulder shot, the other a full body shot). They get back to you after about 7 work days, if they like you, they'll call you in for an interview (they're based in Melbourne) and if they don't they'll suggest some other modelling compainies you could try.
I was really interested in doing that. But a) i have no decent full body shots and b) i'd want to ask mum before i sent it off. I wasn't sure how to breech the suject to mum. Again i thought she'd just laugh. I was standing next to her in the kitchen, chopping potatoes (he he. potatoes), and i didn't know what to say!!! I was trying to make myself say something, anything!, about it but i couldn't! Then i was just like. 'Hey mum. Know how we were talking about the modelling stuff last night?' And i explained to her that i'd like to try and get into it and that i'd looked up some stuff on the net. She wasn't overly enthusiastic, but i was pretty happy with the way she reacted. I explained about the form, the photos and how if they wanted an interview we'd probably have to go to Melbourne. I said that i didn't think getting an interview was very likely, but she was like ' i dont know, you might' then she went to say something else but stopped and said that it depended on what they were looking for. She also said i should wait a while untill my skin cleared up a bit. Stoopid spots :-P
Hhhmmmm. I'm thinking of becoming a model..... coz that doesn't make me concited, or superficial or a brat or anything like that. Still. Even if it does make me those things. I still wanna give it a try.
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we think about forever but we've only got today
23.12.06. Started-11.43 pm. Finished 12.15 am
I have discovered that one of the only times i want to put stuff up here on my beautiful (note sarcasm) blog, is after i've turned the computer off and retreated to my bedroom for the night. So from now on i've decided to do is write down the stuff i wanna post up here at night and post it up the next day or soemthing. That's why it has a date different to when this was posted, coz that's when i wrote it. And the start and finish times are the times i started and finished writing the post down on paper. They are there for no particular reason. I just felt like it
Now that tha'ts been said. Onto the more 'exciting' aspects of my life.
The other day (last thursday to be exact) i wan in m yroom with a couple of my school friends and we were trying on some clothes we'd bought at an op shop the week before. We got a bag fromt he 50 cent rack for only a dollar!!! Hey, it was a good way to kill an hour. And when one of my friends took a photo of my lying on my bed in my sexy op shop clothing, she said to me 'You know what, I think you'd make a really good model!' At the time i just laughed, coz trust me, i ain't no size 2 model. Hell, i ain't even no size 12 model!
I metioned it to mum, expecting her to just laugh at it with me, but she said something about how, yeah, i could. When i pointed out the whole size two issue, she said id make a normal size model.
While i'm on the topic of normal sized models, i'd like to say i think it's completely ridiculas that models size 14/16 and above are classed as 'plus size' models/Um, hello, mose women in Australia alone are size 14/16. That's a normal size. And i'm not saying that anyone below that is too skinny or grossly abnomal. Just that 14/16 is not plus sized.
Anyway. Where was i? Oh yeah. Mum saying i that i could be a model. I mean, I'd thought about modeling before, not very seriosuly though. I guess i've always though that being a model would be kind of cool. Even though i've read enough of those 'being a model made me anorexic/bulemic/ruined my life/gave me some other eatin dissorder' to cover Manhatten. I guess it was just one of those silly things people think but take no notice of.
Now that tha'ts been said. Onto the more 'exciting' aspects of my life.
The other day (last thursday to be exact) i wan in m yroom with a couple of my school friends and we were trying on some clothes we'd bought at an op shop the week before. We got a bag fromt he 50 cent rack for only a dollar!!! Hey, it was a good way to kill an hour. And when one of my friends took a photo of my lying on my bed in my sexy op shop clothing, she said to me 'You know what, I think you'd make a really good model!' At the time i just laughed, coz trust me, i ain't no size 2 model. Hell, i ain't even no size 12 model!
I metioned it to mum, expecting her to just laugh at it with me, but she said something about how, yeah, i could. When i pointed out the whole size two issue, she said id make a normal size model.
While i'm on the topic of normal sized models, i'd like to say i think it's completely ridiculas that models size 14/16 and above are classed as 'plus size' models/Um, hello, mose women in Australia alone are size 14/16. That's a normal size. And i'm not saying that anyone below that is too skinny or grossly abnomal. Just that 14/16 is not plus sized.
Anyway. Where was i? Oh yeah. Mum saying i that i could be a model. I mean, I'd thought about modeling before, not very seriosuly though. I guess i've always though that being a model would be kind of cool. Even though i've read enough of those 'being a model made me anorexic/bulemic/ruined my life/gave me some other eatin dissorder' to cover Manhatten. I guess it was just one of those silly things people think but take no notice of.
But
What if i could become a model? Sure, i'd probably get tottaly slatted because i'm not tiny, and i'd probably get sick of it, but it'd be a good experiance. he only thing is, i wouldn't know where to start. If anyone our there knows of any modeling agencies in or around Ballarat willing to take on girl's who aren't stick thin, have no experiance, and have no portpholio, let me know, okay?
I'd hate to think of the way some of my friends would react if they ever knew i'd consider becoming a model (not that there's any chance of that). Reactions ranging from 'Ahaha!!! You'll never be a model, you're not good looking/skinny enough!!' to 'But the you'll be one of them! A sheep!' would all be expected.
I wonder how many people actually read this blog. Not many i'd wager. If you do read my blog, and you have myspace, and you'd like to add me, or find out more about me, go to www.myspace.com/little_emmie_lou
It's almost quarter past twelve in the morning and i've been listening to 'Dear Mr. Presidnet' on repeart for at least half an house. Most likely more. As my eyes are starting to hurt, i'd best turn off my light, turn off my music, try and get to sleep, and put down my pad and paper. Not in that order.
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how do you sleep while the rest of us cry
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Sick of smiling.
Went to soverign hill yesterday. Had a photo taken with the family, all dressed as bar girls. In case you're wondering 'the family' referes to my mother, my sister as well as my two cousins and my aunt who are currently visiting from overseas and living with us. It's quite a good photo. I'll see if i can scan it to the computer and add it up here one day.
Went to a friends dance performance today. It was really good. About 30 seconds into the beginning of the three hour performance (including interval) my friend sitting next to me turned to me and said 'I don't like watching dancing' so we spent the majority of the performance talking. About what was going on on the stage obviously. And it was good.
I'm still kind of being blasted on the internet for all of those who care, not many im guessing. It really is no fun being in a good mood, going to a website and reading stuff about yourself. Why do i continue checking it if i know she's just gonna be a bitch about me? becuase id rather read it for myself than have someone say to me 'hey emma, did you read what *name* wrote about you on her website?' and me not having any idea. It's better to read it for myself. At least. I think it is.
I've been in such a bitchy mood lately. I mean i'm being horrible and thinking such unfair things. Just because i'm talking to one of my friends online and im not acting like myself, and im saying some things that could be interpreted as not very nice, and then i'll become even nastier becuase they havne't asked me what's wrong even though i've made really obvious comment as to the fact that there is something not right. And i wont be as supportive. And i'll just dismiss stuff. I'm becoming the bitch that some people think i am. And i hate it. Yet i can't seem to stop it. Especially right now. I just can't handle this. One of the adults was saying earlier how nice it is living in a house of just girl becuase there's 'no pressure' or something like that. It's so not true. With the family here. I have hardly anytime to myself. And if i dont have any time to myself. I go slighty insane. And when i go slightly insane. It is so much easier to make me mad. To make me want to hit something. Someone. So much easier to make me cry. So much easier to make me say what im thinking. So much easier to make me pick a fight with someone just so i can get everything out of my systm. But all i get to do is smile and pretend its all ok. Well i'm sorry. I'm sick of smiling.
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and she's given up waiting on the world to change. instead her life, she'll rearrange
Went to a friends dance performance today. It was really good. About 30 seconds into the beginning of the three hour performance (including interval) my friend sitting next to me turned to me and said 'I don't like watching dancing' so we spent the majority of the performance talking. About what was going on on the stage obviously. And it was good.
I'm still kind of being blasted on the internet for all of those who care, not many im guessing. It really is no fun being in a good mood, going to a website and reading stuff about yourself. Why do i continue checking it if i know she's just gonna be a bitch about me? becuase id rather read it for myself than have someone say to me 'hey emma, did you read what *name* wrote about you on her website?' and me not having any idea. It's better to read it for myself. At least. I think it is.
I've been in such a bitchy mood lately. I mean i'm being horrible and thinking such unfair things. Just because i'm talking to one of my friends online and im not acting like myself, and im saying some things that could be interpreted as not very nice, and then i'll become even nastier becuase they havne't asked me what's wrong even though i've made really obvious comment as to the fact that there is something not right. And i wont be as supportive. And i'll just dismiss stuff. I'm becoming the bitch that some people think i am. And i hate it. Yet i can't seem to stop it. Especially right now. I just can't handle this. One of the adults was saying earlier how nice it is living in a house of just girl becuase there's 'no pressure' or something like that. It's so not true. With the family here. I have hardly anytime to myself. And if i dont have any time to myself. I go slighty insane. And when i go slightly insane. It is so much easier to make me mad. To make me want to hit something. Someone. So much easier to make me cry. So much easier to make me say what im thinking. So much easier to make me pick a fight with someone just so i can get everything out of my systm. But all i get to do is smile and pretend its all ok. Well i'm sorry. I'm sick of smiling.
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and she's given up waiting on the world to change. instead her life, she'll rearrange
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