Sick of smiling.

Went to soverign hill yesterday. Had a photo taken with the family, all dressed as bar girls. In case you're wondering 'the family' referes to my mother, my sister as well as my two cousins and my aunt who are currently visiting from overseas and living with us. It's quite a good photo. I'll see if i can scan it to the computer and add it up here one day.
Went to a friends dance performance today. It was really good. About 30 seconds into the beginning of the three hour performance (including interval) my friend sitting next to me turned to me and said 'I don't like watching dancing' so we spent the majority of the performance talking. About what was going on on the stage obviously. And it was good.
I'm still kind of being blasted on the internet for all of those who care, not many im guessing. It really is no fun being in a good mood, going to a website and reading stuff about yourself. Why do i continue checking it if i know she's just gonna be a bitch about me? becuase id rather read it for myself than have someone say to me 'hey emma, did you read what *name* wrote about you on her website?' and me not having any idea. It's better to read it for myself. At least. I think it is.
I've been in such a bitchy mood lately. I mean i'm being horrible and thinking such unfair things. Just because i'm talking to one of my friends online and im not acting like myself, and im saying some things that could be interpreted as not very nice, and then i'll become even nastier becuase they havne't asked me what's wrong even though i've made really obvious comment as to the fact that there is something not right. And i wont be as supportive. And i'll just dismiss stuff. I'm becoming the bitch that some people think i am. And i hate it. Yet i can't seem to stop it. Especially right now. I just can't handle this. One of the adults was saying earlier how nice it is living in a house of just girl becuase there's 'no pressure' or something like that. It's so not true. With the family here. I have hardly anytime to myself. And if i dont have any time to myself. I go slighty insane. And when i go slightly insane. It is so much easier to make me mad. To make me want to hit something. Someone. So much easier to make me cry. So much easier to make me say what im thinking. So much easier to make me pick a fight with someone just so i can get everything out of my systm. But all i get to do is smile and pretend its all ok. Well i'm sorry. I'm sick of smiling.
-------------------------------------------------------
and she's given up waiting on the world to change. instead her life, she'll rearrange