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Monday, August 31, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Health - Serious Post
Please note: The following story is true and quite confronting. Be warned.
I watched a video in health today about a child abuse case in London.
A man and a woman had a little boy called Peter Connelly.
This woman and this man split up.
This woman was given full custody of Peter.
This woman got a boyfriend.
This man believed Peter to be a toy for him to play with.
This man threw Peter onto the ground from six feet in the air.
This man trained his rottweilers to attack Peter by biting the little boys head himself.
Instead of giving Peter a hug and a kiss goodnight he was picked up off the floor and thrown into his cot.
This man threw Peter around the room like a rag doll.
This man snapped Peter's spine in two.
The sound of the snap was heard around the house and Peter screamed in pain.
This woman did nothing about any of this.
Her first husband tried to steal Peter away from her.
This woman called the police on him.
After being left alone in his cot covered in urine and faeces for three days, Peter began to cry.
This woman's new boyfriend said "I'll sort him" - grabbed Peter, took him into the bathroom and slammed the door.
After a few seconds Peter went silent.
This man had punched Peter in the face.
Ten minutes later this woman called the ambulance.
Peter was already dead.
The autopsy showed that this man punched Peter so hard in the face he had swallowed his own back teeth.
There was blood on Peter's spine 48 hours old.
This man got 8 months in prison.
This makes me want to throw up. Throw up on this man and tear out his heart...if he even knows what that is.
I watched a video in health today about a child abuse case in London.
A man and a woman had a little boy called Peter Connelly.
This woman and this man split up.
This woman was given full custody of Peter.
This woman got a boyfriend.
This man believed Peter to be a toy for him to play with.
This man threw Peter onto the ground from six feet in the air.
This man trained his rottweilers to attack Peter by biting the little boys head himself.
Instead of giving Peter a hug and a kiss goodnight he was picked up off the floor and thrown into his cot.
This man threw Peter around the room like a rag doll.
This man snapped Peter's spine in two.
The sound of the snap was heard around the house and Peter screamed in pain.
This woman did nothing about any of this.
Her first husband tried to steal Peter away from her.
This woman called the police on him.
After being left alone in his cot covered in urine and faeces for three days, Peter began to cry.
This woman's new boyfriend said "I'll sort him" - grabbed Peter, took him into the bathroom and slammed the door.
After a few seconds Peter went silent.
This man had punched Peter in the face.
Ten minutes later this woman called the ambulance.
Peter was already dead.
The autopsy showed that this man punched Peter so hard in the face he had swallowed his own back teeth.
There was blood on Peter's spine 48 hours old.
This man got 8 months in prison.
This makes me want to throw up. Throw up on this man and tear out his heart...if he even knows what that is.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
A few of you may recall
that a few months ago, for two or three posts, i took to writing lists.
it made it easier to organise my thoughts and get what i wanted to say out there without having to explain too much, or waffling on and boring everyone.
i choose to use this format again, albeit with this slight discussion.
i cant really identify how I'm feeling now, so no promises on the lists positives and negatives evening out.
. oh wow.
forget that for a moment.
can i just say, you know those moments when you have a passing whim to look something up on the good ole world wide web, and you get a 'im so glad i did that' moment?
am having one.
and i wish to share it.
you, my friends, you have not lived until you have revelled in the wonderous horros that is a torchwood hannah montana cross over fic.
yes, yes you have read that correctly.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5172063/1/Queen_of_the_Weevils
trust me. i know how it sounds.
but its short, and you have got to read it.
even if you hate hannah montana.
particularly if you hate hannah montana.
then i promise you that chapter three will be your favorite thing of all time.
dont freak out at the idea of three chapters, its less than a thousand words all up.
its not finished yet, which is rather sad. but still definatly worth a read.
another not finished fic that is still totally awesome?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5209242/1/Whats_Wrong_With_Pink
its another crossover.
a torchwood crossover.
a torchwood my little freaking pony crossover.
without the freaking.
this stuff is gold.
and this one?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5225305/1/A_Diiferent_Kind_of_Power
well.
if you can get over the fact that the writing isnt that good (just read it really quickly, it makes it less painful) the idea at its center is.
i dunno.
awesomely fantasticly hilarious and i want one of you to have a go at writing this kind of crossover.
a torchwood (yeah, i know you're all shocked at that one) power rangers crossover
yeah.
IT USES ZORDS!!!
man i miss power rangers.
and ZORDS!!!
should probably mention that it is very near midnight and thats probably why the bad writing isnt irritating me anywhere near as much as it should be.
fanfiction is love.
it made it easier to organise my thoughts and get what i wanted to say out there without having to explain too much, or waffling on and boring everyone.
i choose to use this format again, albeit with this slight discussion.
i cant really identify how I'm feeling now, so no promises on the lists positives and negatives evening out.
. oh wow.
forget that for a moment.
can i just say, you know those moments when you have a passing whim to look something up on the good ole world wide web, and you get a 'im so glad i did that' moment?
am having one.
and i wish to share it.
you, my friends, you have not lived until you have revelled in the wonderous horros that is a torchwood hannah montana cross over fic.
yes, yes you have read that correctly.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5172063/1/Queen_of_the_Weevils
trust me. i know how it sounds.
but its short, and you have got to read it.
even if you hate hannah montana.
particularly if you hate hannah montana.
then i promise you that chapter three will be your favorite thing of all time.
dont freak out at the idea of three chapters, its less than a thousand words all up.
its not finished yet, which is rather sad. but still definatly worth a read.
another not finished fic that is still totally awesome?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5209242/1/Whats_Wrong_With_Pink
its another crossover.
a torchwood crossover.
a torchwood my little freaking pony crossover.
without the freaking.
this stuff is gold.
and this one?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5225305/1/A_Diiferent_Kind_of_Power
well.
if you can get over the fact that the writing isnt that good (just read it really quickly, it makes it less painful) the idea at its center is.
i dunno.
awesomely fantasticly hilarious and i want one of you to have a go at writing this kind of crossover.
a torchwood (yeah, i know you're all shocked at that one) power rangers crossover
yeah.
IT USES ZORDS!!!
man i miss power rangers.
and ZORDS!!!
should probably mention that it is very near midnight and thats probably why the bad writing isnt irritating me anywhere near as much as it should be.
fanfiction is love.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Acronyms.
I was doing English Language homework, and we're doing Acronyms and Abbreviations. Quite simple really. And you know what i discovered....
oh the suspense!
That BLOG stands for Big Load Of Gossip. I really didnt know that. Did anyone else?
oh the suspense!
That BLOG stands for Big Load Of Gossip. I really didnt know that. Did anyone else?
Friday, August 21, 2009
Hazy Shade of Winter
Hullo there lovely friends!
Thanks to darling Emmie for inviting me all those days back, and I'm so sorry I only read my emails a few days ago. Eek, I'm so slack. But look at these pretty colours♥♥♥
I don't really have anything worthwhile to write, so maybe this will be a rant about discrimination. Of any kind, it's stupid, and I don't see why everyone can't just love everyone however they are, unless it's discrimination against somebody who punched you in the face. That I understand. Anyhoo, has anyone else noticed that the media always overlooks a kind of discrimination that is ever-present for us, discrimination against teenagers? It's such a pain. People often take one look and decide that we are not worth their time. Without being rude, offensive, anything of the kind, we get judged for something so out of our control. Sorry for not being old? It annoys me. You will be met by open-mouthed staring if you ever stand up to give a seat to an older/frail person on public transport, and asked if you are getting off. They just cannot believe that there would be a reason for a "youth" (such a bad, nearly derogatory word in most of its uses) to do such a thing.
Hmm what a nasty, cynical view of the world there. Is a blog allowed to be serious? I think I'll use more colours next time ;D
♥~♥~♥ Oh well, heart you all! ♥~♥~♥
Thanks to darling Emmie for inviting me all those days back, and I'm so sorry I only read my emails a few days ago. Eek, I'm so slack. But look at these pretty colours♥♥♥
I don't really have anything worthwhile to write, so maybe this will be a rant about discrimination. Of any kind, it's stupid, and I don't see why everyone can't just love everyone however they are, unless it's discrimination against somebody who punched you in the face. That I understand. Anyhoo, has anyone else noticed that the media always overlooks a kind of discrimination that is ever-present for us, discrimination against teenagers? It's such a pain. People often take one look and decide that we are not worth their time. Without being rude, offensive, anything of the kind, we get judged for something so out of our control. Sorry for not being old? It annoys me. You will be met by open-mouthed staring if you ever stand up to give a seat to an older/frail person on public transport, and asked if you are getting off. They just cannot believe that there would be a reason for a "youth" (such a bad, nearly derogatory word in most of its uses) to do such a thing.
Hmm what a nasty, cynical view of the world there. Is a blog allowed to be serious? I think I'll use more colours next time ;D
♥~♥~♥ Oh well, heart you all! ♥~♥~♥
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Bonjour!
Ok!
(Best way to start a post. Ever.)
Well, I was just visiting this friendly blog and saw my photo (suitably unflattering but a lot better than many others that could have been chosen) and thought, well, must be time to make a post. And use the word 'well' yet again, perhaps.
But then my computer went stupid.
And now we get to here!
So OK! I suppose this is the point where I realise that I have little to nothing of merit to say, similar to the entry in Things White People Like.. Posting about feelings would mean that people would know what I was feeling. And I don't think I'm quite prepared for free access to my feelings yet. But a little while ago I went through this phase where I would write down 5 good things that happened that day, in order to drive home the message that good things DO happen. (Problem was, when I wasn't feeling so good I just wouldn't do it. But I'm ignoring that for the moment.)
So here's my list.
(I do like lists. I never read that book 'The Listmaker' but I.. don't know where that sentence is going..)
1. Slept in until 7:40. Now, this might not sound that late, but it's a good time for me!
2. Had this yum Vietnamese noodle goo for lunch.
3. Decided some stuff for House Dinner.
4. Didn't have French.
5. Ate Kiri
Wut for self importance!
(Best way to start a post. Ever.)
Well, I was just visiting this friendly blog and saw my photo (suitably unflattering but a lot better than many others that could have been chosen) and thought, well, must be time to make a post. And use the word 'well' yet again, perhaps.
But then my computer went stupid.
And now we get to here!
So OK! I suppose this is the point where I realise that I have little to nothing of merit to say, similar to the entry in Things White People Like.. Posting about feelings would mean that people would know what I was feeling. And I don't think I'm quite prepared for free access to my feelings yet. But a little while ago I went through this phase where I would write down 5 good things that happened that day, in order to drive home the message that good things DO happen. (Problem was, when I wasn't feeling so good I just wouldn't do it. But I'm ignoring that for the moment.)
So here's my list.
(I do like lists. I never read that book 'The Listmaker' but I.. don't know where that sentence is going..)
1. Slept in until 7:40. Now, this might not sound that late, but it's a good time for me!
2. Had this yum Vietnamese noodle goo for lunch.
3. Decided some stuff for House Dinner.
4. Didn't have French.
5. Ate Kiri
Wut for self importance!
Monday, August 17, 2009
BTRTWA
Ok, so just in case you are aware of my other blog you will also be aware that I haven't published any new blogs since the 5th of June. I have just renewed my interest in it. I have added some of the blog entries from here to 'A Way To Relieve The Boredom'. I will also be finally putting some more entries that aren't already on this one.
New and exciting blog entries! New and exciting never before seen blog entries.
Go check them out in a couple of hours (it's 8pm on the 17th of august)
New and exciting blog entries! New and exciting never before seen blog entries.
Go check them out in a couple of hours (it's 8pm on the 17th of august)
Sunday, August 16, 2009
It's the end of the world
And you've come back to me.
in my dreams.
so heres the dealio.
kates at her friends place for the night.
mum and dad are in melbourne for the night.
its a work mates birthday tomorrow, and they are going to his birthday dinner tonight.
where am i for the night?
here.
at my house.
with my music.
and my cups of tea.
and the glorious weather that was up until a few moments ago, horizontal rain. and now? well, its stopped raining and the setting sun is shining directly onto all the wet leaves of the trees outside my house making them sparkle like, well, like raindrops in the sun!
and you know what?
i freaking love it.
coz you know what? (you should know if you know me or have read my other posts)
because its pure and total fucking bliss.
i can dance as ret-ardedly as i like.
i can sing as loudly and as out of freaking tune as i want.
so what have i dont since mum and dad left?
well. i turned the music up almost straight away.
i danced about a little. not as wildly as just then as i was still getting used to the freedom.
i found a stop watch.
i experimented with some makeup.
i went out with my sister and her friend and spoke to jacky and sarah and kate h and ally and amelia and vicky and logan and (dylan and lawrence for like two seconds and) josh who told me to go check out the way he'd mic-ed the piano up and so i did.
i ate some of my sisters cheezles.
my sisters friends very nice parents dropped me back home (they live two courts down from us anyway, but you know)
where i preceded to ride out my high by putting my ipod back on and started singing and dancing like a fucking tool for half an hour.
i made a cup of tea.
and am currently drinking it with a straw.
why? i over filled it and couldn't lift it up without spilling it. also, shits and giggles.
i slightly trashed my left heel as i was wearing not completely broken in shoes whilst dancing like a fool.
i continued to sing along horribly to my beautiful music that is still playing.
i also began downloading the shrek the musical soundtrack due to the fact that the kiddies who sung it at the Broadway afternoon sung it very well (and one of them had a good rack) and i wanted to own it a little bit.
and sing it.
and so i did.
and life is good.
and whilst i may not be able to sit still at the moment, im enjoying my lazy sunday very much.
and now?
well, as i have paused the music on the stero to listen to the music on my lap top and i keep reading things about the torchwood team being inthe himallayas and i have no idea how this hapened, i plan to watch the last two or three episodes of season three of doctor who.
the tenth doctor, cap'n jack, and martha jones.
now there's an orgy waiting to happen.
much like torchwood itself really.
E out. (even though you mock that jenna, i shall use it. why? well. it says byeeeee without having to say byeeeee and my current jump tastic state is quite fond of this sign off, so i shall continue to use it until i get sick of it/forget)
966 words.
in my dreams.
so heres the dealio.
kates at her friends place for the night.
mum and dad are in melbourne for the night.
its a work mates birthday tomorrow, and they are going to his birthday dinner tonight.
where am i for the night?
here.
at my house.
with my music.
and my cups of tea.
and the glorious weather that was up until a few moments ago, horizontal rain. and now? well, its stopped raining and the setting sun is shining directly onto all the wet leaves of the trees outside my house making them sparkle like, well, like raindrops in the sun!
and you know what?
i freaking love it.
coz you know what? (you should know if you know me or have read my other posts)
because its pure and total fucking bliss.
i can dance as ret-ardedly as i like.
i can sing as loudly and as out of freaking tune as i want.
so what have i dont since mum and dad left?
well. i turned the music up almost straight away.
i danced about a little. not as wildly as just then as i was still getting used to the freedom.
i found a stop watch.
i experimented with some makeup.
i went out with my sister and her friend and spoke to jacky and sarah and kate h and ally and amelia and vicky and logan and (dylan and lawrence for like two seconds and) josh who told me to go check out the way he'd mic-ed the piano up and so i did.
i ate some of my sisters cheezles.
my sisters friends very nice parents dropped me back home (they live two courts down from us anyway, but you know)
where i preceded to ride out my high by putting my ipod back on and started singing and dancing like a fucking tool for half an hour.
i made a cup of tea.
and am currently drinking it with a straw.
why? i over filled it and couldn't lift it up without spilling it. also, shits and giggles.
i slightly trashed my left heel as i was wearing not completely broken in shoes whilst dancing like a fool.
i continued to sing along horribly to my beautiful music that is still playing.
i also began downloading the shrek the musical soundtrack due to the fact that the kiddies who sung it at the Broadway afternoon sung it very well (and one of them had a good rack) and i wanted to own it a little bit.
and sing it.
and so i did.
and life is good.
and whilst i may not be able to sit still at the moment, im enjoying my lazy sunday very much.
and now?
well, as i have paused the music on the stero to listen to the music on my lap top and i keep reading things about the torchwood team being inthe himallayas and i have no idea how this hapened, i plan to watch the last two or three episodes of season three of doctor who.
the tenth doctor, cap'n jack, and martha jones.
now there's an orgy waiting to happen.
much like torchwood itself really.
E out. (even though you mock that jenna, i shall use it. why? well. it says byeeeee without having to say byeeeee and my current jump tastic state is quite fond of this sign off, so i shall continue to use it until i get sick of it/forget)
966 words.
Friday, August 14, 2009
NP. NP. NP.
New Post. New Picture. Nerd Patrol.
So, I know it's been a while since I really had much of a blog. Well, at least not one as powerful as our young Emma's. So, I'm sorry everyone. I just tend to find that I'm not as interesting as some people. That is, I'm not interesting at all.
So yes, I'm sorry.
Want to know the most exciting thing to happen to me lately? I gave my number to a bloke. Yup, a real life bloke.
Unfortunately this was just an I'll-text-you-if-I'm-bored' bloke, the whole 'just friends' deal again (if you're a huge Jenna blog fan then you will have read a previous blog relating to being 'just friends).
I have to apologise once more and warn you that this is a 'sick of my loneliness' post.
I realise that in Emma's last post 'My room is a mess' she mentioned something along the lines of not needing someone else in one's like to validate it, however I have to take a slight issue with that statement: in my opinion, the meaning of life is love. We are born to experience love - love from our friends, our family and, hopefully, our partners. At this age and stage in life I have experienced two of these three loves. It does seem a little greedy to be complaining about the lack of the love in a partnership, unfortunately I'm a teenage girl and this is how I was made.
Only recently was I reassured that I wasn't 'doomed to die alone'.
I know.
Of course I won't be alone.
I have never truly been alone.
I have only ever felt truly alone.
And at the moment I don't feel alone. I don't expect I will feel alone while I still have the loving friends and family I have right now. What I feel is undesired.
And now I feel vulnerable.
I have never had a real relationship, this is, indeed, quite reasonable as I'm only 16 years old. However, if I had the choice I would choose to be in a relationship right now.
And I don’t just mean any old relationship with any old bloke. I mean this one specific bloke. Regrettably, not the bloke who I shared numbers with.
A bloke who I spend barely any time with. A bloke who fits my ‘list’ (if you’re a girl, you’ll know the list I’m talking about) perfectly. A bloke who, while is so available, is so inaccessible.
My mind doesn’t work when I’m around him. It’s hard to notice, I think I cover my discomfort quite well, but it’s most certainly there. My mind goes about a million miles an hour and if I end up thinking of anything at all witty to say it comes out muddled and illogical. It seems that, if we ever get around someone where there is the potential for an actually good relationship, our brains begin to work against us. Last year, when I was quite close with this particular gentleman I found the exchange of dialogue fairly simple, mainly because I spent the majority of the time laughing, but also because I hadn’t yet noticed how perfect he was.
When I say perfect I don’t mean faultless, I mean perfect for me.
Perfect for me...
???
How do I know what ‘perfect for me’ is?
I don’t.
Oh goodness gracious me, whatever shall I do to prepare myself for my next encounter with him.
Thoughts, feelings, suggestions? No. I don’t have any either.
Why is this so difficult?
Sorry for the lame blog post. Perhaps I’ll find another hiiilarious video to show you all.
Au revoir mes amis!
Also, 613 words. Why am I telling you this? Because it's what all the cool kids are doing these days.
So, I know it's been a while since I really had much of a blog. Well, at least not one as powerful as our young Emma's. So, I'm sorry everyone. I just tend to find that I'm not as interesting as some people. That is, I'm not interesting at all.
So yes, I'm sorry.
Want to know the most exciting thing to happen to me lately? I gave my number to a bloke. Yup, a real life bloke.
Unfortunately this was just an I'll-text-you-if-I'm-bored' bloke, the whole 'just friends' deal again (if you're a huge Jenna blog fan then you will have read a previous blog relating to being 'just friends).
I have to apologise once more and warn you that this is a 'sick of my loneliness' post.
I realise that in Emma's last post 'My room is a mess' she mentioned something along the lines of not needing someone else in one's like to validate it, however I have to take a slight issue with that statement: in my opinion, the meaning of life is love. We are born to experience love - love from our friends, our family and, hopefully, our partners. At this age and stage in life I have experienced two of these three loves. It does seem a little greedy to be complaining about the lack of the love in a partnership, unfortunately I'm a teenage girl and this is how I was made.
Only recently was I reassured that I wasn't 'doomed to die alone'.
I know.
Of course I won't be alone.
I have never truly been alone.
I have only ever felt truly alone.
And at the moment I don't feel alone. I don't expect I will feel alone while I still have the loving friends and family I have right now. What I feel is undesired.
And now I feel vulnerable.
I have never had a real relationship, this is, indeed, quite reasonable as I'm only 16 years old. However, if I had the choice I would choose to be in a relationship right now.
And I don’t just mean any old relationship with any old bloke. I mean this one specific bloke. Regrettably, not the bloke who I shared numbers with.
A bloke who I spend barely any time with. A bloke who fits my ‘list’ (if you’re a girl, you’ll know the list I’m talking about) perfectly. A bloke who, while is so available, is so inaccessible.
My mind doesn’t work when I’m around him. It’s hard to notice, I think I cover my discomfort quite well, but it’s most certainly there. My mind goes about a million miles an hour and if I end up thinking of anything at all witty to say it comes out muddled and illogical. It seems that, if we ever get around someone where there is the potential for an actually good relationship, our brains begin to work against us. Last year, when I was quite close with this particular gentleman I found the exchange of dialogue fairly simple, mainly because I spent the majority of the time laughing, but also because I hadn’t yet noticed how perfect he was.
When I say perfect I don’t mean faultless, I mean perfect for me.
Perfect for me...
???
How do I know what ‘perfect for me’ is?
I don’t.
Oh goodness gracious me, whatever shall I do to prepare myself for my next encounter with him.
Thoughts, feelings, suggestions? No. I don’t have any either.
Why is this so difficult?
Sorry for the lame blog post. Perhaps I’ll find another hiiilarious video to show you all.
Au revoir mes amis!
Also, 613 words. Why am I telling you this? Because it's what all the cool kids are doing these days.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
My Room Is A Mess
I know this.
i can see this.
i wish it wasn't like this.
and yet i wont do anything about it.
i have a sac on Thursday.
i don't understand the content we are writing on for it.
i should re-read the book in order to try and decipher something, anything, that could possibly cause me to pass this particular sac.
but i wont do anything.
i will whine and complain about people/situations/things i don't like.
and yet i wont do anything.
inherent laziness?
possibly.
you know whats fun?
dancing.
not necessarily at an event. with DJs and flashing lights and exciting things like that.
but at home.
the best dance time and place ever?
just after dark, when i still haven't closed the curtains, or turned that many lights on, just the small lights, so the light is only a soft glow and not a 60 watt glare. and the rest of my family are out, and i know they will be for multiple hours. in the kitchen, with my ipod plugged into the stereo. maybe making a cup of tea, maybe just getting a glass of water. but getting distracted and just... i cant really say dancing, and that infers some sort of rhythm, but you know what i mean. and singing. to anything that comes on.
and i don't mean that pansy, ill-sing-but-i-wont-do-it-too-loudly-in-case-someone-overhears-and-therefore-wont-hit-all-the-notes-or-enjoy-it-anywhere-near-as-much singing that we do sometimes. i mean that singing where you don't care if you don't know all the words, you don't care if you don't know the tune. you'll make that shit up. and you will do it with so much conviction that anyone who happens to overhear will think that they are the ones who have been getting it wrong.
and the feeling that comes from this moment in time.
the feeling of pure contentment.
that nothing is missing from you life.
that you don't need someone else to validate your existence.
that no snide remark from a supposed friend, or the stupid bitching that goes on behind your back can come anywhere near cracking the shield you have at that moment.
because you are you.
and in this moment, you are completely, unequivocally, absolutely, unconditionally, unmistakeably and emphatically perfect.
that strange feeling that seems to radiate from the center of you chest, like something is constricting your heart. just for a second.
now would probably be a good time to mention that i don't generally read back over these posts as I'm writing them. a combination of not being bothered, and knowing if i read over them ill probably mangle whatever i was trying to say so badly because I'm concerned about reactions, that whatever it is that i was trying to get across is lost.
so i type it and i post it. for the world to read =p
speaking of people bitching behind backs (great song about that - i like you better when you're not around) i, well, i don't need to vent, or complain. just wish to state facts on the subject.
it happens.
and as teenagers, its gonna happen. and as adults its going to happen. and I'm not going to lie and say i don't do it, because i do. sometimes because i need to discuss it, not that i want to hurt anyone, but because if i don't get these thoughts out of my head and heard by someone i trust, they will explode at a time that i can pretty much guarantee wont be appropriate. sometimes because a persons irritating the hell out of me and all i need is two seconds to say 'they re pissing me off' sometimes because I'm concerned about someone and want to know if I'm the only one seeing these things or is others are noticing it too.
and sometimes, just sometimes, its because I'm a bitch. and want to take it out on somebody else.
and i know that, as is practically everyone at some point or another, people talk about me.
and for the most part I'm fine with that. i would much prefer if you had a serious problem with me, that you find a way to bring it up with me. because if its something I'm unaware I'm doing, then we can talk about that, and if its something i know I'm doing because you've been rubbing me up the wrong way, then we can talk about that too. but either way, it gets it out in the open. and most important to me - it gives me a chance to voice my opinion on the subject and get you to try and see it from my point of view.
i'd like to be able to say that i don'd hold grudges. that im always a forgive and forget kind of person. but that would be a lie.
and i don't really want to pretend to be that kind of person anyway.
occasionally i do hold grudges.
not often. currently i think there's only one. but its come up a few times in the past couple of weeks.
not to the person its against, as i don't often speak to her. although from all reports she seems to be speaking about me lately.
and i suppose its hypocritical of me to say 'tell me if you have a problem' as i haven't done it with this person. but i did alter my behavior after the event, which is my way of saying 'no, no i am not okay with this' if the changed behaviour is noticed by the person, then they most likely know me better then i thought, therefore i would make more effort to explain how i feel. if its not, they cant care that much, and it doesn't seem a huge loss to me.
if you haven't figured out what incident i am talking about, i suppose i shall enlighten you by saying this:
i like to think of myself as relatively open minded, i am willing to hear every ones opinions views, even if they differ from mine greatly, but one thing that i am not okay with?
rigging pass the parcel.
and i don't mean in that mum and dad way that's all 'oh no, that kid hasn't got a prize yet, ill stop it on them'
i mean the kind of rigging that is done by silly teenage girls for no apparent reason, the kind of rigging that they don't even really try to hide, saying 'stop!' at a level that meant that even the people on the other side of the room (ie. me) could hear it.
and then not only rigging it, but instead of embodying what pass the parcel is all about - a kids game that ends with some silly trinket as reward for squeeing over and enjoying, they throw that out the window and instead of putting the sweets that had been specifically purchased for this game in the center of the parcel, they put a box with the words 'ha ha, you thought you'd won something' there instead.
I in no way condone this kind of behavior. If anyone out there thinks this is refering to them, please bring it up with me, i will be glad to discuss it, and any other thoughts i may have, with you.
For now, i've written over 2 pages.
I'm tired.
My eyes are hurting.
my neck is a tad as well actually.
my music is good.
the lighting in my room is fantastic
i still need to clear off my bed before i can use my duvet this evening
i still use the word duvet
even though i get weird looks.
but i haven't snapped at anyone in anger in a while. at least i believe this to be true. because i can't remember if i still get an accent when i get sufficiently pissed off.
an odd quirk, as i don't really travel there all that often, and my mothers slight accent goes un-noticed by all except those from there themselves generally.
and so it makes no sense whatsoever for me to have that ingrained in me.
just went to kitchen to get a drink - some crazy add program was on tv. dont know what the dealio was with it, it just showed me two adds i quite like.
one was that add with the girl and the bike, and the guy trying to steal it, and she spins the tale of how 'that cut on the bike seat is the last memory of her father' the guy doesn't steal the bike, we then discover its an add for an acting school.
the other, is for tampons.
i like it muchly. its the one with the guys working at the construction site, and the one operating the jackhammer says he doesn't think he can do it for much longer, the boss guy is all like 'oh really? and why is that?'
Jackhammer guy: cramps. ive got my period.
everyguy on site: oh no, here, sit, do u need a cup of tea? a wheat bag for you stomach?
boss guy: i find that really helps, just across *geastures to abdomen* soothes it loads.
j.h: ill be fine *starts work again*
b.g: let us know if it gets too much, well put someone else on
fade to black. the words "if only"
remember that mood i was talking about earlier?
well i forgot to mention that its pretty fragile and can shatter quite quickly.
like when you receive a reply to an email that, to be honest, you were waiting for and slightly anxious about.
and when that reply is nothing if not (at least on the first read through) ducking inFURIATING.
of course, this is a time when I'm going to be hypocritical, because i instantly typed up a reply to this email, commenting on the things said. but i didn't sent it to this person. and i probably wont. because aside from the language which albeit is only bad in a couple of places, i would want to think things through more then just typing during blind rage.
believe it or not, I'm actually more sensible than that.
surprising i know.
the likehood of this person reading this is practically zilch. as this blog isnt something this person seems to care about.
but what would i know.
being so "bad at interpretation"
3 and a half pages. 1741 words.
E out.
i can see this.
i wish it wasn't like this.
and yet i wont do anything about it.
i have a sac on Thursday.
i don't understand the content we are writing on for it.
i should re-read the book in order to try and decipher something, anything, that could possibly cause me to pass this particular sac.
but i wont do anything.
i will whine and complain about people/situations/things i don't like.
and yet i wont do anything.
inherent laziness?
possibly.
you know whats fun?
dancing.
not necessarily at an event. with DJs and flashing lights and exciting things like that.
but at home.
the best dance time and place ever?
just after dark, when i still haven't closed the curtains, or turned that many lights on, just the small lights, so the light is only a soft glow and not a 60 watt glare. and the rest of my family are out, and i know they will be for multiple hours. in the kitchen, with my ipod plugged into the stereo. maybe making a cup of tea, maybe just getting a glass of water. but getting distracted and just... i cant really say dancing, and that infers some sort of rhythm, but you know what i mean. and singing. to anything that comes on.
and i don't mean that pansy, ill-sing-but-i-wont-do-it-too-loudly-in-case-someone-overhears-and-therefore-wont-hit-all-the-notes-or-enjoy-it-anywhere-near-as-much singing that we do sometimes. i mean that singing where you don't care if you don't know all the words, you don't care if you don't know the tune. you'll make that shit up. and you will do it with so much conviction that anyone who happens to overhear will think that they are the ones who have been getting it wrong.
and the feeling that comes from this moment in time.
the feeling of pure contentment.
that nothing is missing from you life.
that you don't need someone else to validate your existence.
that no snide remark from a supposed friend, or the stupid bitching that goes on behind your back can come anywhere near cracking the shield you have at that moment.
because you are you.
and in this moment, you are completely, unequivocally, absolutely, unconditionally, unmistakeably and emphatically perfect.
that strange feeling that seems to radiate from the center of you chest, like something is constricting your heart. just for a second.
now would probably be a good time to mention that i don't generally read back over these posts as I'm writing them. a combination of not being bothered, and knowing if i read over them ill probably mangle whatever i was trying to say so badly because I'm concerned about reactions, that whatever it is that i was trying to get across is lost.
so i type it and i post it. for the world to read =p
speaking of people bitching behind backs (great song about that - i like you better when you're not around) i, well, i don't need to vent, or complain. just wish to state facts on the subject.
it happens.
and as teenagers, its gonna happen. and as adults its going to happen. and I'm not going to lie and say i don't do it, because i do. sometimes because i need to discuss it, not that i want to hurt anyone, but because if i don't get these thoughts out of my head and heard by someone i trust, they will explode at a time that i can pretty much guarantee wont be appropriate. sometimes because a persons irritating the hell out of me and all i need is two seconds to say 'they re pissing me off' sometimes because I'm concerned about someone and want to know if I'm the only one seeing these things or is others are noticing it too.
and sometimes, just sometimes, its because I'm a bitch. and want to take it out on somebody else.
and i know that, as is practically everyone at some point or another, people talk about me.
and for the most part I'm fine with that. i would much prefer if you had a serious problem with me, that you find a way to bring it up with me. because if its something I'm unaware I'm doing, then we can talk about that, and if its something i know I'm doing because you've been rubbing me up the wrong way, then we can talk about that too. but either way, it gets it out in the open. and most important to me - it gives me a chance to voice my opinion on the subject and get you to try and see it from my point of view.
i'd like to be able to say that i don'd hold grudges. that im always a forgive and forget kind of person. but that would be a lie.
and i don't really want to pretend to be that kind of person anyway.
occasionally i do hold grudges.
not often. currently i think there's only one. but its come up a few times in the past couple of weeks.
not to the person its against, as i don't often speak to her. although from all reports she seems to be speaking about me lately.
and i suppose its hypocritical of me to say 'tell me if you have a problem' as i haven't done it with this person. but i did alter my behavior after the event, which is my way of saying 'no, no i am not okay with this' if the changed behaviour is noticed by the person, then they most likely know me better then i thought, therefore i would make more effort to explain how i feel. if its not, they cant care that much, and it doesn't seem a huge loss to me.
if you haven't figured out what incident i am talking about, i suppose i shall enlighten you by saying this:
i like to think of myself as relatively open minded, i am willing to hear every ones opinions views, even if they differ from mine greatly, but one thing that i am not okay with?
rigging pass the parcel.
and i don't mean in that mum and dad way that's all 'oh no, that kid hasn't got a prize yet, ill stop it on them'
i mean the kind of rigging that is done by silly teenage girls for no apparent reason, the kind of rigging that they don't even really try to hide, saying 'stop!' at a level that meant that even the people on the other side of the room (ie. me) could hear it.
and then not only rigging it, but instead of embodying what pass the parcel is all about - a kids game that ends with some silly trinket as reward for squeeing over and enjoying, they throw that out the window and instead of putting the sweets that had been specifically purchased for this game in the center of the parcel, they put a box with the words 'ha ha, you thought you'd won something' there instead.
I in no way condone this kind of behavior. If anyone out there thinks this is refering to them, please bring it up with me, i will be glad to discuss it, and any other thoughts i may have, with you.
For now, i've written over 2 pages.
I'm tired.
My eyes are hurting.
my neck is a tad as well actually.
my music is good.
the lighting in my room is fantastic
i still need to clear off my bed before i can use my duvet this evening
i still use the word duvet
even though i get weird looks.
but i haven't snapped at anyone in anger in a while. at least i believe this to be true. because i can't remember if i still get an accent when i get sufficiently pissed off.
an odd quirk, as i don't really travel there all that often, and my mothers slight accent goes un-noticed by all except those from there themselves generally.
and so it makes no sense whatsoever for me to have that ingrained in me.
just went to kitchen to get a drink - some crazy add program was on tv. dont know what the dealio was with it, it just showed me two adds i quite like.
one was that add with the girl and the bike, and the guy trying to steal it, and she spins the tale of how 'that cut on the bike seat is the last memory of her father' the guy doesn't steal the bike, we then discover its an add for an acting school.
the other, is for tampons.
i like it muchly. its the one with the guys working at the construction site, and the one operating the jackhammer says he doesn't think he can do it for much longer, the boss guy is all like 'oh really? and why is that?'
Jackhammer guy: cramps. ive got my period.
everyguy on site: oh no, here, sit, do u need a cup of tea? a wheat bag for you stomach?
boss guy: i find that really helps, just across *geastures to abdomen* soothes it loads.
j.h: ill be fine *starts work again*
b.g: let us know if it gets too much, well put someone else on
fade to black. the words "if only"
remember that mood i was talking about earlier?
well i forgot to mention that its pretty fragile and can shatter quite quickly.
like when you receive a reply to an email that, to be honest, you were waiting for and slightly anxious about.
and when that reply is nothing if not (at least on the first read through) ducking inFURIATING.
of course, this is a time when I'm going to be hypocritical, because i instantly typed up a reply to this email, commenting on the things said. but i didn't sent it to this person. and i probably wont. because aside from the language which albeit is only bad in a couple of places, i would want to think things through more then just typing during blind rage.
believe it or not, I'm actually more sensible than that.
surprising i know.
the likehood of this person reading this is practically zilch. as this blog isnt something this person seems to care about.
but what would i know.
being so "bad at interpretation"
3 and a half pages. 1741 words.
E out.
Monday, August 10, 2009
This Is Our Blog
We can talk about whatever the hell we want.
school, friends, mental issues, work issues, whos pissing us off, who we love, who we wish we could stab with a pencil, human rights, books, music, the internet, fun stuff, stuff we like, stuff we hate.
Any freaking thing we god damn want to.
This is our universe.
And we are in complete control.
school, friends, mental issues, work issues, whos pissing us off, who we love, who we wish we could stab with a pencil, human rights, books, music, the internet, fun stuff, stuff we like, stuff we hate.
Any freaking thing we god damn want to.
This is our universe.
And we are in complete control.
Well, I never.
I hadn't realised that it was OK to write about our possible mental illnesses.
Well, if that's the case - I'm going to write about what I suspect I have.
It would appear that, with 81.25% of the symptoms, I may have OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). And no, it isn't the same as obsessive compulsive disorder.
I would tell you what it is in my own words but, to be honest, I'm not that invested in this particular blog entry. I'll just used the information provided on the site http://psychcentral.com
OCPD is a pervasive pattern of preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and mental and interpersonal control, at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following: [side note: I have 6 1/2 of these symptoms]
(1) is preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, organisation, or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost
(2) shows perfectionism that interferes with task completion (e.g., is unable to complete a project because his or her own overly strict standards are not met)
(3) is excessively devoted to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships (not accounted for by obvious economic necessity)
(4) is overconscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or values (not accounted for by cultural or religious identification)
(5) is unable to discard worn-out or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value
(6) is reluctant to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly his or her way of doing things
(7) adopts a miserly spending style toward both self and others; money is viewed as something to be hoarded for future catastrophes
(8) shows rigidity and stubbornness
Basically, I have symptoms 1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 8, and roughly half of 6.
'How can you have half a symptom?' you may ask. Well, Let's just say I often quite enjoy working with others, however I have often found myself trying to do certain things for people in a non work environment.
Anyway, just thought I'd share information on an illness I may have.
See you later, foetus faces.
Well, if that's the case - I'm going to write about what I suspect I have.
It would appear that, with 81.25% of the symptoms, I may have OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). And no, it isn't the same as obsessive compulsive disorder.
I would tell you what it is in my own words but, to be honest, I'm not that invested in this particular blog entry. I'll just used the information provided on the site http://psychcentral.com
OCPD is a pervasive pattern of preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and mental and interpersonal control, at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following: [side note: I have 6 1/2 of these symptoms]
(1) is preoccupied with details, rules, lists, order, organisation, or schedules to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost
(2) shows perfectionism that interferes with task completion (e.g., is unable to complete a project because his or her own overly strict standards are not met)
(3) is excessively devoted to work and productivity to the exclusion of leisure activities and friendships (not accounted for by obvious economic necessity)
(4) is overconscientious, scrupulous, and inflexible about matters of morality, ethics, or values (not accounted for by cultural or religious identification)
(5) is unable to discard worn-out or worthless objects even when they have no sentimental value
(6) is reluctant to delegate tasks or to work with others unless they submit to exactly his or her way of doing things
(7) adopts a miserly spending style toward both self and others; money is viewed as something to be hoarded for future catastrophes
(8) shows rigidity and stubbornness
Basically, I have symptoms 1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 8, and roughly half of 6.
'How can you have half a symptom?' you may ask. Well, Let's just say I often quite enjoy working with others, however I have often found myself trying to do certain things for people in a non work environment.
Anyway, just thought I'd share information on an illness I may have.
See you later, foetus faces.
Sunday, August 09, 2009
ADHD
or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
bit of a mouth full, isnt it?
if you've read my facebook, or one of my more recent posts, you'll know where this is coming from.
if you haven't, it doesn't really matter.
all you need to know is that sometimes i act a bit hypochondriac-y.
i went back to the site that i took the original ADHD test on, and re did it, thinking i may have just been in a bit of a hyper mood, so it messed with my results.
my previous score or 75 was dwarfed by my sore of 81.
did another test, on another site.
81.
thats a pretty awesome score.
if i got that on a SAC id not be too shattered.
wanna hear some of the symptoms?
if not, stop reading.
you can leave a comment saying how many you think apply to me, and ill tell you how many i think i have if i deem enough of you have commented.
bit of a mouth full, isnt it?
if you've read my facebook, or one of my more recent posts, you'll know where this is coming from.
if you haven't, it doesn't really matter.
all you need to know is that sometimes i act a bit hypochondriac-y.
i went back to the site that i took the original ADHD test on, and re did it, thinking i may have just been in a bit of a hyper mood, so it messed with my results.
my previous score or 75 was dwarfed by my sore of 81.
did another test, on another site.
81.
thats a pretty awesome score.
if i got that on a SAC id not be too shattered.
wanna hear some of the symptoms?
if not, stop reading.
you can leave a comment saying how many you think apply to me, and ill tell you how many i think i have if i deem enough of you have commented.
- Be easily distracted, miss details, forget things, and frequently switch from one activity to another
- Have difficulty focusing on one thing
- Become bored with a task after only a few minutes, unless they are doing something enjoyable
- Have difficulty focusing attention on organizing and completing a task or learning something new
- Have trouble completing or turning in homework assignments, often losing things (e.g., pencils, toys, assignments) needed to complete tasks or activities
- Not seem to listen when spoken to
- Daydream, become easily confused, and move slowly
- Have difficulty processing information as quickly and accurately as others
- Struggle to follow instructions
- Fidget and squirm in their seats
- Talk nonstop
- Dash around, touching or playing with anything and everything in sight
- Have trouble sitting still during dinner, school, and story time
- Be constantly in motion
- Have difficulty doing quiet tasks or activities.
- Be very impatient
- Blurt out inappropriate comments, show their emotions without restraint, and act without regard for consequences
- Have difficulty waiting for things they want or waiting their turns in games
hmm.
less than 24 hours until my date with jenna.
then we shall see.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Nobody panic!!
I found the sheet!!
unfortunately that means i now have to do it...
oh well.
ill live =)
also, quick note, downloaded kate miller-heidkes latest album, curiouser.
yes, i know im behind the curve in this, but being part of the crowd has never been anything i aspired to.
very much liking caught in the crowd.
i can sing along and dance to it at the same time.
i like dancing like im having a seizure.
best fun ever =)
i had another thing to add.
but i forget now.
oh well.
EDIT: I REMEMBER NOW!!!
when i went out to the kitchen to get a drink. my sis was watching tv.
guess what she was watching!
i guarantee you wont, by the way
so i will tell you
Richie Rich!
I FREAKING LOVE THAT MOVIE!!!!
thats what i wanted to let you all know =D
hearts and kisses to the world!!!!
unfortunately that means i now have to do it...
oh well.
ill live =)
also, quick note, downloaded kate miller-heidkes latest album, curiouser.
yes, i know im behind the curve in this, but being part of the crowd has never been anything i aspired to.
very much liking caught in the crowd.
i can sing along and dance to it at the same time.
i like dancing like im having a seizure.
best fun ever =)
i had another thing to add.
but i forget now.
oh well.
EDIT: I REMEMBER NOW!!!
when i went out to the kitchen to get a drink. my sis was watching tv.
guess what she was watching!
i guarantee you wont, by the way
so i will tell you
Richie Rich!
I FREAKING LOVE THAT MOVIE!!!!
thats what i wanted to let you all know =D
hearts and kisses to the world!!!!
Dude,
that post bellow is colossal.
i mean, i know i was word counting it and shit, but i didn't realise it would look so big
and be filled with so little =p
oh, and why the fuck can't i find that hospitality sheet?
the one time i had actual good intentions that i was going to carry through with!
i have google windows open and everything!!
bastard that is karma.
i mean, i know i was word counting it and shit, but i didn't realise it would look so big
and be filled with so little =p
oh, and why the fuck can't i find that hospitality sheet?
the one time i had actual good intentions that i was going to carry through with!
i have google windows open and everything!!
bastard that is karma.
RSA, Melbourne and Coming out
for those of you who weren't aware, i took my RSA (responsible service of alcohol) course/test the other weekend.
for those of you who did know, i will add that i passed.
rather well.
well, quite frankly, i kicked the test in its proverbial nuts.
100%
if only all my tests were about booze...
went to Melbourne today
found life size cut outs of various poses of the tenth doctor, a dalek and a tardis.
if only i had infinite amounts of money and a replica of the inside of the tardis to attach them all too...
got a couple of new shirts, a book, a kinder surprise, a present for fathers day, uk smarties (blue is back!) and a magazine (SFX)
also, came out to my sister and mother (thought mum knew to be honest, threw it in conversation the other day to see how her and dad would react, they didn't. apparently they thought i was kidding/saying it to rile up my friends mum who think im a bad influence, woo!!! =p )
not sure how my sisters going to be about it, she just asked 'so you'd date a girl?' a couple of times, followed be a couple of 'really?'s and a 'gross' thrown in at the end.
shell get used to it.
mum, well, im not sure.
i dont think she was that phased. i mean, i think it took her by surprise a bit, but they're used to the way i am, and its not like thats going to change just coz they now know a bit more information.
i think they may have been slightly put out that my friends dad knew before them.
i just said 'it doesn't really come up in conversation that much'
and to be honest, i think if id done the whole, mum, dad, ive got something to tell you, i would have ended up in tears.
not because i was upset or anything, just becuase any extreme emotion of mine seems hardwired to my tear ducts, which (to some peoples disbelief) do exist.
as it was, i was glad i was wearing sunglasses.
it was a beautiful sunny day in Melbourne today, and lucky for me the glasses hid the fact that my eyes were tearing a bit.
dont really know why, just was freaking out a bit that they'd freak out i think.
i assured them i was still single, and then my sister changed the subject, and was very unwilling to go back to it when i bought up mardi gras again (which is what had started the conversation in the first place)
later, after we watched harry potter at imax, and when kate was walking on the opposite side of the road to mum and i (practising for Melbourne experience) mum brought it up again. didn't say much, but she assured me she was okay with it. oh, look at that, tearing up again. anyhoo,
she also asked (this was before the movie. i think it was her, it may have been Kate. but pretty sure it was mum) how long id known. i just said 'i dunno'
i mean, i don't.
its not like i just woke up one day and went, woo, gonna go for boys and girls from now on!
but, the first time i remember thinking about it was...
year 9.
thats when i knew.
i remember because of the question box in maccas room.
i tossed up the idea of putting a question in the box a fair few times.
you know, something along the lines of 'i think im bisexual, how the hell do i tell my friends without them freaking out and thinking ill want to jump their bones?'
lucky for me, i haven't had to deal with that yet.
but year 9 was when i made my mind up inside.
then i just filled that thought away for me to look at later i guess.
i mean, i believe it was around year 9 that i started just hitting on girls.
just me friends, and not coz i was sexually attracted to any of you (no offence, you're all fabulously amazing people, but by year 9 we were all way into the 'just friends' zone =p )
just coz it was part of who i was.
does any one remember the first person i told?
actually, i dont think i want to remember. im sure id alienate one person or another if that knowledge was made to people, including myself.
but i think, ive always been pretty open about the option of girls as well as boys.
at least, i dont ever remember deny i was bi.
ive denied being gay, because im not, trust me, guys can still get me hot (i mean really, jack and ianto anyone??) but i dont think ive ever denied bisexuality.
this was meant to just be a quick post displaying my awesomeness at RSA and saying i enjoyed my day and my mum and sister know things about me. turned into a bit of a rant didnt it?
its over 800 words.
thats was my lit essay was supposed to be. it wasn't
i got distracted.
by conversation.
about sexuality and religion.
two things i seem to talk about a bit.
well, sexuality i do at least =p
oh, that reminds me, another thing mum mentioned after i, i suppose 'officially' or at least knowledgeably, coming out to her, was that she had mentioned me wanting to go to mardi gras next year to dad when hed called the other night.
admittedly hed had a bit of a night out with his work mates in new zealand, but i choose to take a drunk mans words as a sober mans thoughts
he said he'd take me to mardi gras!!!
like i said, after a few drinks,
but he said he and jamie (work mate, kirsti's boyfirend) would go =p
i plan to bring it up with him nearer to the time.
jenna and laure, surely if we had parental supervision our parents would object less??
as for the money, well, im sure we can work something out.
i say we try and figure out a way to charge it to the company dad and jamie are currently working for.
they had a formal 'do in sydney the other week, im sure they can arrange another one Feb-March 2010.
that lasts for a week.
or two.
well. this is now over a thousand words.
and most likely twice the length of what i did manage to get down for lit before and during all my distraction.
speaking of distraction, was talking to a friend (i dont know why i write 'a friend', its not like anyone reading this isn't going to know me personally and the people i hang out with) i was talking to jenna via facebook about our various quirks. in her case OCPD and anger issues, in mine bi-polar ness and ADHD, and came to the conclusion that if all these online tests were telling us we had these things, and could see the symptoms in ourselves and each other, maybe we should actually get someone who has a better idea of these things that us's opinion.
the ADHD test i took told me that 'while this test is in no way an accurate diagnosis, we do suggest you seek proper advice immediately' so that is what we plan to do.
this little confession of mine didnt come up today.
i suppose ill have to tell them if anything comes of it, but school will probably take care of that.
wonder if they have a right to tell our parents if we dont want them to.
i mean, we're over 16, but we're still students at their school.
ive wondered that before.
the thought of them telling my family or just dismissing me as a hypochondriac is what has stopped me going before.
that, and sometimes i wonder if im just making all these things up just to get attention.
i can be pretty twisted like that =p
man, i wish i could write an essay like i can write a blog.
imagine that, i reckon i could try and get straight A's in that class.
and it would most defiantly count as an English.
maybe i should just make it up.
id have to get a 50 for it, if i was the only kid taking the class, wouldn't i?
i hope so.
damn it.
i booted my laptop up with the actual intention of doing homework
hospitality homework, a subject i enjoy, but couldn't find the sheet i needed straight away, and so got distracted by my usual online haunts.
thats ADD for you.
(oh, and if anyones wondering, this comes to 1468 words. seriously, if i could focus on lit and understand what we were studying, i could blitz these things. as it is, most other kids in the class dont think to highly of me. dont think i didn't see that look you were giving me person who i shan't name. not because you will ever read this, but because i wouldn't want this said behind my back. id want it said to my face. but i wasn't sure you'd appreciate it yelled at you from across the library. and i was already agitated due to the conversation we were having. just because id done all the work i freaking could on my essay and wanted any reason other than my complete incompetence at that point in time to blame, and so i allowed myself to be distracted in order to blame that once the disappointment and disapproval of my teacher, whom i respect and whose opinion i value, came, as it will, and so i reverted to a fail safe, be a ditz. although, a ditz with strong opinions on right and wrongs when it comes to gay marriage and religion, a ditz nonetheless. and to be quite honest, i didn't appreciate that look at all. judge me all you want, i dont freaking care. thats a lie. obviously i do care, or else i wouldn't be writing this. what i should say is, judge me all you want, but when you pull that face at me, my opinion of you, which until that point had been rather non-committal as i dont really know you, but some of my friends seem to like you, does change, and i judge you. i shouldn't, i know, but i can not stand that face.
like an evil sneer.
'jeez, that kid (or that group of kids, i dont think it was particularly aimed at me, but aiming at the group of us having that conversation angers me just as much as if it was just me, quite possibly more) abandons work in favor of frivolous conversation.'
well, to me it wasn't frivolous.
and like i said id rather blame that than my incomprehension of the task at hand for my failings)
(oh, and its now 1853 words. three and a half pages in word. in case anyone was wondering.)
for those of you who did know, i will add that i passed.
rather well.
well, quite frankly, i kicked the test in its proverbial nuts.
100%
if only all my tests were about booze...
went to Melbourne today
found life size cut outs of various poses of the tenth doctor, a dalek and a tardis.
if only i had infinite amounts of money and a replica of the inside of the tardis to attach them all too...
got a couple of new shirts, a book, a kinder surprise, a present for fathers day, uk smarties (blue is back!) and a magazine (SFX)
also, came out to my sister and mother (thought mum knew to be honest, threw it in conversation the other day to see how her and dad would react, they didn't. apparently they thought i was kidding/saying it to rile up my friends mum who think im a bad influence, woo!!! =p )
not sure how my sisters going to be about it, she just asked 'so you'd date a girl?' a couple of times, followed be a couple of 'really?'s and a 'gross' thrown in at the end.
shell get used to it.
mum, well, im not sure.
i dont think she was that phased. i mean, i think it took her by surprise a bit, but they're used to the way i am, and its not like thats going to change just coz they now know a bit more information.
i think they may have been slightly put out that my friends dad knew before them.
i just said 'it doesn't really come up in conversation that much'
and to be honest, i think if id done the whole, mum, dad, ive got something to tell you, i would have ended up in tears.
not because i was upset or anything, just becuase any extreme emotion of mine seems hardwired to my tear ducts, which (to some peoples disbelief) do exist.
as it was, i was glad i was wearing sunglasses.
it was a beautiful sunny day in Melbourne today, and lucky for me the glasses hid the fact that my eyes were tearing a bit.
dont really know why, just was freaking out a bit that they'd freak out i think.
i assured them i was still single, and then my sister changed the subject, and was very unwilling to go back to it when i bought up mardi gras again (which is what had started the conversation in the first place)
later, after we watched harry potter at imax, and when kate was walking on the opposite side of the road to mum and i (practising for Melbourne experience) mum brought it up again. didn't say much, but she assured me she was okay with it. oh, look at that, tearing up again. anyhoo,
she also asked (this was before the movie. i think it was her, it may have been Kate. but pretty sure it was mum) how long id known. i just said 'i dunno'
i mean, i don't.
its not like i just woke up one day and went, woo, gonna go for boys and girls from now on!
but, the first time i remember thinking about it was...
year 9.
thats when i knew.
i remember because of the question box in maccas room.
i tossed up the idea of putting a question in the box a fair few times.
you know, something along the lines of 'i think im bisexual, how the hell do i tell my friends without them freaking out and thinking ill want to jump their bones?'
lucky for me, i haven't had to deal with that yet.
but year 9 was when i made my mind up inside.
then i just filled that thought away for me to look at later i guess.
i mean, i believe it was around year 9 that i started just hitting on girls.
just me friends, and not coz i was sexually attracted to any of you (no offence, you're all fabulously amazing people, but by year 9 we were all way into the 'just friends' zone =p )
just coz it was part of who i was.
does any one remember the first person i told?
actually, i dont think i want to remember. im sure id alienate one person or another if that knowledge was made to people, including myself.
but i think, ive always been pretty open about the option of girls as well as boys.
at least, i dont ever remember deny i was bi.
ive denied being gay, because im not, trust me, guys can still get me hot (i mean really, jack and ianto anyone??) but i dont think ive ever denied bisexuality.
this was meant to just be a quick post displaying my awesomeness at RSA and saying i enjoyed my day and my mum and sister know things about me. turned into a bit of a rant didnt it?
its over 800 words.
thats was my lit essay was supposed to be. it wasn't
i got distracted.
by conversation.
about sexuality and religion.
two things i seem to talk about a bit.
well, sexuality i do at least =p
oh, that reminds me, another thing mum mentioned after i, i suppose 'officially' or at least knowledgeably, coming out to her, was that she had mentioned me wanting to go to mardi gras next year to dad when hed called the other night.
admittedly hed had a bit of a night out with his work mates in new zealand, but i choose to take a drunk mans words as a sober mans thoughts
he said he'd take me to mardi gras!!!
like i said, after a few drinks,
but he said he and jamie (work mate, kirsti's boyfirend) would go =p
i plan to bring it up with him nearer to the time.
jenna and laure, surely if we had parental supervision our parents would object less??
as for the money, well, im sure we can work something out.
i say we try and figure out a way to charge it to the company dad and jamie are currently working for.
they had a formal 'do in sydney the other week, im sure they can arrange another one Feb-March 2010.
that lasts for a week.
or two.
well. this is now over a thousand words.
and most likely twice the length of what i did manage to get down for lit before and during all my distraction.
speaking of distraction, was talking to a friend (i dont know why i write 'a friend', its not like anyone reading this isn't going to know me personally and the people i hang out with) i was talking to jenna via facebook about our various quirks. in her case OCPD and anger issues, in mine bi-polar ness and ADHD, and came to the conclusion that if all these online tests were telling us we had these things, and could see the symptoms in ourselves and each other, maybe we should actually get someone who has a better idea of these things that us's opinion.
the ADHD test i took told me that 'while this test is in no way an accurate diagnosis, we do suggest you seek proper advice immediately' so that is what we plan to do.
this little confession of mine didnt come up today.
i suppose ill have to tell them if anything comes of it, but school will probably take care of that.
wonder if they have a right to tell our parents if we dont want them to.
i mean, we're over 16, but we're still students at their school.
ive wondered that before.
the thought of them telling my family or just dismissing me as a hypochondriac is what has stopped me going before.
that, and sometimes i wonder if im just making all these things up just to get attention.
i can be pretty twisted like that =p
man, i wish i could write an essay like i can write a blog.
imagine that, i reckon i could try and get straight A's in that class.
and it would most defiantly count as an English.
maybe i should just make it up.
id have to get a 50 for it, if i was the only kid taking the class, wouldn't i?
i hope so.
damn it.
i booted my laptop up with the actual intention of doing homework
hospitality homework, a subject i enjoy, but couldn't find the sheet i needed straight away, and so got distracted by my usual online haunts.
thats ADD for you.
(oh, and if anyones wondering, this comes to 1468 words. seriously, if i could focus on lit and understand what we were studying, i could blitz these things. as it is, most other kids in the class dont think to highly of me. dont think i didn't see that look you were giving me person who i shan't name. not because you will ever read this, but because i wouldn't want this said behind my back. id want it said to my face. but i wasn't sure you'd appreciate it yelled at you from across the library. and i was already agitated due to the conversation we were having. just because id done all the work i freaking could on my essay and wanted any reason other than my complete incompetence at that point in time to blame, and so i allowed myself to be distracted in order to blame that once the disappointment and disapproval of my teacher, whom i respect and whose opinion i value, came, as it will, and so i reverted to a fail safe, be a ditz. although, a ditz with strong opinions on right and wrongs when it comes to gay marriage and religion, a ditz nonetheless. and to be quite honest, i didn't appreciate that look at all. judge me all you want, i dont freaking care. thats a lie. obviously i do care, or else i wouldn't be writing this. what i should say is, judge me all you want, but when you pull that face at me, my opinion of you, which until that point had been rather non-committal as i dont really know you, but some of my friends seem to like you, does change, and i judge you. i shouldn't, i know, but i can not stand that face.
like an evil sneer.
'jeez, that kid (or that group of kids, i dont think it was particularly aimed at me, but aiming at the group of us having that conversation angers me just as much as if it was just me, quite possibly more) abandons work in favor of frivolous conversation.'
well, to me it wasn't frivolous.
and like i said id rather blame that than my incomprehension of the task at hand for my failings)
(oh, and its now 1853 words. three and a half pages in word. in case anyone was wondering.)
Friday, August 07, 2009
From the P to the H to the O to the T to the O to the Space to the B to the O to the other O to the T to the H!!
Photo Booth Prank - Funny - Funny Pictures, Funny Videos, Funny Pics, fo geeks in all of us!
Shared via AddThis
WTF is this ^^^? I wanted the actual video.
Oh well, click the link anyway, it's quite funny, especially the last bit.
Shared via AddThis
WTF is this ^^^? I wanted the actual video.
Oh well, click the link anyway, it's quite funny, especially the last bit.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Quick thought
I'm confident.
You all know it.
I know it.
And I like it.
Confidence makes the world a better place.
I'm totally okay with who i am, because who i am is freaking fantastic, just like all my friends, and we will only get awesomer with time.
Im not saying i dont have those down days. i do. i know we all do.
But you should all be proud of who you are.
I Am.
I'm proud of you all.
You Are All Wonderful People.
You all know it.
I know it.
And I like it.
Confidence makes the world a better place.
I'm totally okay with who i am, because who i am is freaking fantastic, just like all my friends, and we will only get awesomer with time.
Im not saying i dont have those down days. i do. i know we all do.
But you should all be proud of who you are.
I Am.
I'm proud of you all.
You Are All Wonderful People.
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