RSA, Melbourne and Coming out

for those of you who weren't aware, i took my RSA (responsible service of alcohol) course/test the other weekend.
for those of you who did know, i will add that i passed.
rather well.
well, quite frankly, i kicked the test in its proverbial nuts.
100%
if only all my tests were about booze...

went to Melbourne today
found life size cut outs of various poses of the tenth doctor, a dalek and a tardis.
if only i had infinite amounts of money and a replica of the inside of the tardis to attach them all too...
got a couple of new shirts, a book, a kinder surprise, a present for fathers day, uk smarties (blue is back!) and a magazine (SFX)
also, came out to my sister and mother (thought mum knew to be honest, threw it in conversation the other day to see how her and dad would react, they didn't. apparently they thought i was kidding/saying it to rile up my friends mum who think im a bad influence, woo!!! =p )
not sure how my sisters going to be about it, she just asked 'so you'd date a girl?' a couple of times, followed be a couple of 'really?'s and a 'gross' thrown in at the end.
shell get used to it.
mum, well, im not sure.
i dont think she was that phased. i mean, i think it took her by surprise a bit, but they're used to the way i am, and its not like thats going to change just coz they now know a bit more information.
i think they may have been slightly put out that my friends dad knew before them.
i just said 'it doesn't really come up in conversation that much'
and to be honest, i think if id done the whole, mum, dad, ive got something to tell you, i would have ended up in tears.
not because i was upset or anything, just becuase any extreme emotion of mine seems hardwired to my tear ducts, which (to some peoples disbelief) do exist.
as it was, i was glad i was wearing sunglasses.
it was a beautiful sunny day in Melbourne today, and lucky for me the glasses hid the fact that my eyes were tearing a bit.
dont really know why, just was freaking out a bit that they'd freak out i think.
i assured them i was still single, and then my sister changed the subject, and was very unwilling to go back to it when i bought up mardi gras again (which is what had started the conversation in the first place)
later, after we watched harry potter at imax, and when kate was walking on the opposite side of the road to mum and i (practising for Melbourne experience) mum brought it up again. didn't say much, but she assured me she was okay with it. oh, look at that, tearing up again. anyhoo,
she also asked (this was before the movie. i think it was her, it may have been Kate. but pretty sure it was mum) how long id known. i just said 'i dunno'
i mean, i don't.
its not like i just woke up one day and went, woo, gonna go for boys and girls from now on!
but, the first time i remember thinking about it was...
year 9.
thats when i knew.
i remember because of the question box in maccas room.
i tossed up the idea of putting a question in the box a fair few times.
you know, something along the lines of 'i think im bisexual, how the hell do i tell my friends without them freaking out and thinking ill want to jump their bones?'
lucky for me, i haven't had to deal with that yet.
but year 9 was when i made my mind up inside.
then i just filled that thought away for me to look at later i guess.
i mean, i believe it was around year 9 that i started just hitting on girls.
just me friends, and not coz i was sexually attracted to any of you (no offence, you're all fabulously amazing people, but by year 9 we were all way into the 'just friends' zone =p )
just coz it was part of who i was.
does any one remember the first person i told?
actually, i dont think i want to remember. im sure id alienate one person or another if that knowledge was made to people, including myself.
but i think, ive always been pretty open about the option of girls as well as boys.
at least, i dont ever remember deny i was bi.
ive denied being gay, because im not, trust me, guys can still get me hot (i mean really, jack and ianto anyone??) but i dont think ive ever denied bisexuality.
this was meant to just be a quick post displaying my awesomeness at RSA and saying i enjoyed my day and my mum and sister know things about me. turned into a bit of a rant didnt it?
its over 800 words.
thats was my lit essay was supposed to be. it wasn't
i got distracted.
by conversation.
about sexuality and religion.
two things i seem to talk about a bit.
well, sexuality i do at least =p
oh, that reminds me, another thing mum mentioned after i, i suppose 'officially' or at least knowledgeably, coming out to her, was that she had mentioned me wanting to go to mardi gras next year to dad when hed called the other night.
admittedly hed had a bit of a night out with his work mates in new zealand, but i choose to take a drunk mans words as a sober mans thoughts
he said he'd take me to mardi gras!!!
like i said, after a few drinks,
but he said he and jamie (work mate, kirsti's boyfirend) would go =p
i plan to bring it up with him nearer to the time.
jenna and laure, surely if we had parental supervision our parents would object less??
as for the money, well, im sure we can work something out.
i say we try and figure out a way to charge it to the company dad and jamie are currently working for.
they had a formal 'do in sydney the other week, im sure they can arrange another one Feb-March 2010.
that lasts for a week.
or two.
well. this is now over a thousand words.
and most likely twice the length of what i did manage to get down for lit before and during all my distraction.
speaking of distraction, was talking to a friend (i dont know why i write 'a friend', its not like anyone reading this isn't going to know me personally and the people i hang out with) i was talking to jenna via facebook about our various quirks. in her case OCPD and anger issues, in mine bi-polar ness and ADHD, and came to the conclusion that if all these online tests were telling us we had these things, and could see the symptoms in ourselves and each other, maybe we should actually get someone who has a better idea of these things that us's opinion.
the ADHD test i took told me that 'while this test is in no way an accurate diagnosis, we do suggest you seek proper advice immediately' so that is what we plan to do.
this little confession of mine didnt come up today.
i suppose ill have to tell them if anything comes of it, but school will probably take care of that.
wonder if they have a right to tell our parents if we dont want them to.
i mean, we're over 16, but we're still students at their school.
ive wondered that before.
the thought of them telling my family or just dismissing me as a hypochondriac is what has stopped me going before.
that, and sometimes i wonder if im just making all these things up just to get attention.
i can be pretty twisted like that =p
man, i wish i could write an essay like i can write a blog.
imagine that, i reckon i could try and get straight A's in that class.
and it would most defiantly count as an English.
maybe i should just make it up.
id have to get a 50 for it, if i was the only kid taking the class, wouldn't i?
i hope so.
damn it.
i booted my laptop up with the actual intention of doing homework
hospitality homework, a subject i enjoy, but couldn't find the sheet i needed straight away, and so got distracted by my usual online haunts.
thats ADD for you.


(oh, and if anyones wondering, this comes to 1468 words. seriously, if i could focus on lit and understand what we were studying, i could blitz these things. as it is, most other kids in the class dont think to highly of me. dont think i didn't see that look you were giving me person who i shan't name. not because you will ever read this, but because i wouldn't want this said behind my back. id want it said to my face. but i wasn't sure you'd appreciate it yelled at you from across the library. and i was already agitated due to the conversation we were having. just because id done all the work i freaking could on my essay and wanted any reason other than my complete incompetence at that point in time to blame, and so i allowed myself to be distracted in order to blame that once the disappointment and disapproval of my teacher, whom i respect and whose opinion i value, came, as it will, and so i reverted to a fail safe, be a ditz. although, a ditz with strong opinions on right and wrongs when it comes to gay marriage and religion, a ditz nonetheless. and to be quite honest, i didn't appreciate that look at all. judge me all you want, i dont freaking care. thats a lie. obviously i do care, or else i wouldn't be writing this. what i should say is, judge me all you want, but when you pull that face at me, my opinion of you, which until that point had been rather non-committal as i dont really know you, but some of my friends seem to like you, does change, and i judge you. i shouldn't, i know, but i can not stand that face.
like an evil sneer.
'jeez, that kid (or that group of kids, i dont think it was particularly aimed at me, but aiming at the group of us having that conversation angers me just as much as if it was just me, quite possibly more) abandons work in favor of frivolous conversation.'
well, to me it wasn't frivolous.
and like i said id rather blame that than my incomprehension of the task at hand for my failings)

(oh, and its now 1853 words. three and a half pages in word. in case anyone was wondering.)