Ok, this is gonna sound like a really strange request. But. If i ever meet you (who ever you are) and if i ever fall in love with you (if you're a girl, pretend to be a guy for the next few seconds) and then i tell you, and you don't want to be anything more than 'just friends' do me a favor? Make sure that there is no possible way for me to turn the situation around. Make sure that there is nothing for me to hope for. Tell me that you have not ever and will not ever like me in 'that way'. Dont say that you want to stay just friends becuase 'It would just be too hard with what is happining now'. Basically, make sure that my heart has been so thoroughly smashed into the ground, that there is no way in hell i'll be able to piece it back together. I'm probably the only girl i know who would rather a guy extinguish any flame of hope that may still be remaining and make sure my heart is well and truley broken. Becuase here is what i have found out: hope is an absoulte bitch.
Now, onto the rest of my day.
I stayed home for the first two periods, as i felt like crap and couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. Then i went to school at recess, watched some of 'Jesus Christ Supersta' in b+v. I don't know if there's more than one copt of that on dvd. But this was the one with the guys who look like darth vadar in it. Then we has science tech in the computer rooms. I had to write a letter to some people explaining that i was an amateur astronomer (im not) who had discovered a meteoriote that was about to hit earth the night before (i hadn't) and that they should probably do something about it. But you seriously have to question the judgement of someone who would actually do that. You know, stargazing, discovered a meteorite that was going to hit earth. I know, i'll go to bed. And in the morning i'll write a nice, civil letter to someone explaining what's happening and ask them to help. WRONG! You would so totally wither ring someone right then and there and give them the co-ordinates where the meteorite could be seen, or email them. Which admitadly isn't as fast as calling them, but it is no where near as slow as sending them a letter in the post. Idiots.
Then we had art in which i went to the art gallery with my class and another one. We were supossed to pick an artwork and fill out a sheet that the sub-teachers had given us. And we did. We just kinda guessed most of the answers as we didn't understand most of the words on the paper. oops......... And then my friend E and i just sat and listened to her i-pod untill we had to go. All in all. Not a terrible day. It could have been better, but than again, can we not say that about everyday of our lives?
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letting go isn't giving up. it's accepting that some things were never meant to be
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Lying on my bed writing this on mum's laptop
I suposse you're all wondering how things turned out between me and that guy. Actually, i bet you're not. As you probably dont know me, and even if you just came across my blog a moment ago, you could probably care less what happens in my pathetic excuse for a life. But I shall post here what happen anyway, as i need to get it out of my head, and as i dont really want to talk about it with any of my friends, i figure ill post it here. I don't care if thats not logical. So I emailed the guy. and this is what the part of the email talking about how i feel for him said:
"There's something i want to tell you. And probably should have told you a long time ago. But, I haven't becuase i didn't want to freak you out or ruin our friendship.
or something equally as bad. Anyway, u get my point. I didnt want to tell you in case i screwed things up. Coz generally i am very good at doing that.
I like you. As you know. But i like you as more than a friend. But as i dont really think you feel the same, all i've suceeded in doing is embarasing myself. But at least i've told you. But the thing is i dont want things to change between us. Just write back to me please, and tell me what you think ? And i thought it was best that i told you.'
So i was kind of on edge all day at school. wondering if he'd checked his emails every few seconds. And wondering (more importantly) how he reacted.
So finally the day ended and i could go home and check my email. And there were exactly zero unread email messages in my inbox. So either a) he hadn't checked his emails since late last night or b) he'd read it, freaked out, and run as fast as he could away from the computer screaming. I was leaning toawrds b to be entiarly honest.
Anyway. So then i went and did stuff (including making christmas cards) and then i saw that my friend J was on msn, so i went online (i was set to appear offline) but before i could start talking to her, someone else started talking to me. And it was him.
He was just like, 'hey, im glad i caught you. i haven't had time to reply to you email' And im just sitting there thinking fffffffffuuuuuucccccccckkkkkkk. And J's saying things such as 'what's he saying? has he said anything about the email' and i just said 'not much. just that he hasn't had time to reply' or something as equally intelligent as that. And pretty much all he said about the email was that, he got it, and it meant alot to him that id said it, and then he said something about having the guts to say it, but i was kind of zoned out at this point in time.
But the thing is. He never said anything like 'i dont feel the same' or 'i only like you as a friend'r even 'i think we should just stay friends' all he said was 'it means alot that you said that'. But i mean, does anyone else think that's odd? But maybe that's just he holding onto the last grain of hope on this otherwise empty beach.
But the thing is. Even though technically i should feel like absolute crap. I don't. And even though every last remaining drop of hope should have been squeezed out from my unloved heart. There is still hope. (note: corny, hopeless, teenage girl in love type phrases coming up. run while you still can)
Still hope that one day, he'll feel like i do
that one day, he'll tell me what i told him
that one day, i'll be the only girl he needs
that one day, he'll want to be 'safe in my arms'
that one day, he'll just want to be with me
and i'm probably wasting my time thinking all this
hell, i'm definaly wasting my time thinking all this. but i can't help it. i almost wish he had that he just wants to be friends, and that he doesn't like me in that way. but becuase he didn't. there's still hope.
and i know that if he did feel any of the things i felt. he probably would have said so. and we'd ride off into the sunset together or something just as corney. but even so that's probably the case. i can't help hoping
that one day. he'll love me, the way i love him.
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you broke my heart, you heard my scream, you watched me crumble and fall
"There's something i want to tell you. And probably should have told you a long time ago. But, I haven't becuase i didn't want to freak you out or ruin our friendship.
or something equally as bad. Anyway, u get my point. I didnt want to tell you in case i screwed things up. Coz generally i am very good at doing that.
I like you. As you know. But i like you as more than a friend. But as i dont really think you feel the same, all i've suceeded in doing is embarasing myself. But at least i've told you. But the thing is i dont want things to change between us. Just write back to me please, and tell me what you think ? And i thought it was best that i told you.'
So i was kind of on edge all day at school. wondering if he'd checked his emails every few seconds. And wondering (more importantly) how he reacted.
So finally the day ended and i could go home and check my email. And there were exactly zero unread email messages in my inbox. So either a) he hadn't checked his emails since late last night or b) he'd read it, freaked out, and run as fast as he could away from the computer screaming. I was leaning toawrds b to be entiarly honest.
Anyway. So then i went and did stuff (including making christmas cards) and then i saw that my friend J was on msn, so i went online (i was set to appear offline) but before i could start talking to her, someone else started talking to me. And it was him.
He was just like, 'hey, im glad i caught you. i haven't had time to reply to you email' And im just sitting there thinking fffffffffuuuuuucccccccckkkkkkk. And J's saying things such as 'what's he saying? has he said anything about the email' and i just said 'not much. just that he hasn't had time to reply' or something as equally intelligent as that. And pretty much all he said about the email was that, he got it, and it meant alot to him that id said it, and then he said something about having the guts to say it, but i was kind of zoned out at this point in time.
But the thing is. He never said anything like 'i dont feel the same' or 'i only like you as a friend'r even 'i think we should just stay friends' all he said was 'it means alot that you said that'. But i mean, does anyone else think that's odd? But maybe that's just he holding onto the last grain of hope on this otherwise empty beach.
But the thing is. Even though technically i should feel like absolute crap. I don't. And even though every last remaining drop of hope should have been squeezed out from my unloved heart. There is still hope. (note: corny, hopeless, teenage girl in love type phrases coming up. run while you still can)
Still hope that one day, he'll feel like i do
that one day, he'll tell me what i told him
that one day, i'll be the only girl he needs
that one day, he'll want to be 'safe in my arms'
that one day, he'll just want to be with me
and i'm probably wasting my time thinking all this
hell, i'm definaly wasting my time thinking all this. but i can't help it. i almost wish he had that he just wants to be friends, and that he doesn't like me in that way. but becuase he didn't. there's still hope.
and i know that if he did feel any of the things i felt. he probably would have said so. and we'd ride off into the sunset together or something just as corney. but even so that's probably the case. i can't help hoping
that one day. he'll love me, the way i love him.
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you broke my heart, you heard my scream, you watched me crumble and fall
Monday, November 27, 2006
Cowards Way Out
I have some news. But i don't know whether to class it as good new or bad new. News that is currently making my stomach churn. I told the guy i like (yes thats right, the guy i've been going on about in all these posts) that i like him.
But i took the cowards way ouy. I told him in an email. For all you people out there who are now shaking your heads thinking 'she should have told him face to face' i'll have you know that just telling him over the internet has made me feel physically sick. So if i had told him in person, i probably would have been physically sick, which wouldn't have been such a great thing to happen.
And some more news. I am currently being slagged out on the internet by a girl who used to be a really good friend. But then stopped talking to me for a year. Then said she wanted to be friends again, but this time she wanted to be my 'rock' as she put it, and be there for me. And as soon as i tried to start telling her how i really felt, she started saying things such as: you've changed. or you're not the same person you used to be. and no matter how many times i tried telling her i was feeling exactly the same things, and that this time round i was just trusting her more and telling her how i felt almost deep down inside. Then she started telling me that i had put up a wall and that i didnt want to let her in. Then she decided to tell me that my friendship meant nothing to her, change her email address, and change her blog site, thinking it would stop me contacting her. Little does she know that i know both her new email address and her new blog address.
But it's kind of a bummer when i say hi to girls i used to be relitivly good frinds with (though her) and now all they'll give me is an icy stare and a frosty hello. Actually, it's more than a bummer. It makes me feel like absolute crap. And now, im just feeling even worse.
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I'm all on my own here. I'm an army of one.
But i took the cowards way ouy. I told him in an email. For all you people out there who are now shaking your heads thinking 'she should have told him face to face' i'll have you know that just telling him over the internet has made me feel physically sick. So if i had told him in person, i probably would have been physically sick, which wouldn't have been such a great thing to happen.
And some more news. I am currently being slagged out on the internet by a girl who used to be a really good friend. But then stopped talking to me for a year. Then said she wanted to be friends again, but this time she wanted to be my 'rock' as she put it, and be there for me. And as soon as i tried to start telling her how i really felt, she started saying things such as: you've changed. or you're not the same person you used to be. and no matter how many times i tried telling her i was feeling exactly the same things, and that this time round i was just trusting her more and telling her how i felt almost deep down inside. Then she started telling me that i had put up a wall and that i didnt want to let her in. Then she decided to tell me that my friendship meant nothing to her, change her email address, and change her blog site, thinking it would stop me contacting her. Little does she know that i know both her new email address and her new blog address.
But it's kind of a bummer when i say hi to girls i used to be relitivly good frinds with (though her) and now all they'll give me is an icy stare and a frosty hello. Actually, it's more than a bummer. It makes me feel like absolute crap. And now, im just feeling even worse.
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I'm all on my own here. I'm an army of one.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Swimming Pool Jeans
I'm kinda tired right about now. And i should really go and have a shower as i went swimming friday night and still have chlorine in my hair. But im gonna put that off for as long as possible. So instead it will tell all you avid readers of my blog how my weekend was. Starting at friday, which i know is not technically part of the weekend, but good stuff happened friday night.
My friend J came home from school with me as we were going to a friends pool party and she lives in a hole and couldn't go unless she stayed the night at someones. So she stayed the night at mine. We were supossed to be at this party at 6. But we didnt leave untill about 5 past 6, but no one really minded that we were kinda late. As i mentioned earlier, it was a pool party, but i didnt really wanna swim at the time that we left my house, so i didnt wear/take bathers. I wore jeans and a black and white top, and took a spare strappy t-shirt incase the other one got soaked. We'd been there for about half an hour, when i decided that i did actually want to go swimming. So i went upstairs, but all my junk in the bag id taken, switched t-shirts (as the one i had worn there was new) went back downstairs and jumped into the pool wearing my jeans. 'twas awesome fun. The jeans are forever going to be known as the swimming pool jeans. I was on such a high that night..... i can't really remember anything much.... i remember making a fool of my self someway or another.... and just being a fool in general. And it wasn't like i was drinking or anything.
After the party J and i watched a bit of a movie (hocus pocus) then got bored of it and went to my room. We listened to her i-pod while she read a magazine and i wrote a song. Then we eventually turned the light out and went to sleep.
Saturday. We woke up and had cake and pie (see below post for picture of said pie) for breakfast. Then we made another pie. Then we ate some of the pie. Then we had a roll each for lunch. Then we played singstar. And i can't remember anything else we did. Oh wait, i played keyboard while she (again) read a magazine. Then in the car on the way to the airport (we were dropping her home on the way) we wrote a bit of a song. It had the word gun in it.
So we dropped J home, then we (dad kate (my sis) and I) went to the airport to pick up my 2 cousins and aunt. Went home, stayed up for another couple of hours, got to sleep bout 1.30. Which is why I'm tired.
Today I got up relitivly early for me. But i haven't done anything. Except for reading a book. Can't member what it's called. Something to do with rainbows. I finished it. And got rather pissed off at it. It was about a girl and a guy who are best friends and have been since they were five, and then he has to move away when they're 17. Long story short, after multiple failed marriages, multiple children, and multiple screw ups, they finally end up together (when they're 50) and it is so not fair. Its kinda like (but not exactly) my situation. The whole, liking-a-good friend-but-not-wanting-to-tell-them-in-case-you-royaly-screw-things-up-and-never-speak-to-them-again kinda thing.
Can i ever get through a post without mentioning this guy?
I also think (going by all the comments my family has made) that i have a sunburnt back.
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No matter how many times you say goodbye, You and I, Are unfinished
My friend J came home from school with me as we were going to a friends pool party and she lives in a hole and couldn't go unless she stayed the night at someones. So she stayed the night at mine. We were supossed to be at this party at 6. But we didnt leave untill about 5 past 6, but no one really minded that we were kinda late. As i mentioned earlier, it was a pool party, but i didnt really wanna swim at the time that we left my house, so i didnt wear/take bathers. I wore jeans and a black and white top, and took a spare strappy t-shirt incase the other one got soaked. We'd been there for about half an hour, when i decided that i did actually want to go swimming. So i went upstairs, but all my junk in the bag id taken, switched t-shirts (as the one i had worn there was new) went back downstairs and jumped into the pool wearing my jeans. 'twas awesome fun. The jeans are forever going to be known as the swimming pool jeans. I was on such a high that night..... i can't really remember anything much.... i remember making a fool of my self someway or another.... and just being a fool in general. And it wasn't like i was drinking or anything.
After the party J and i watched a bit of a movie (hocus pocus) then got bored of it and went to my room. We listened to her i-pod while she read a magazine and i wrote a song. Then we eventually turned the light out and went to sleep.
Saturday. We woke up and had cake and pie (see below post for picture of said pie) for breakfast. Then we made another pie. Then we ate some of the pie. Then we had a roll each for lunch. Then we played singstar. And i can't remember anything else we did. Oh wait, i played keyboard while she (again) read a magazine. Then in the car on the way to the airport (we were dropping her home on the way) we wrote a bit of a song. It had the word gun in it.
So we dropped J home, then we (dad kate (my sis) and I) went to the airport to pick up my 2 cousins and aunt. Went home, stayed up for another couple of hours, got to sleep bout 1.30. Which is why I'm tired.
Today I got up relitivly early for me. But i haven't done anything. Except for reading a book. Can't member what it's called. Something to do with rainbows. I finished it. And got rather pissed off at it. It was about a girl and a guy who are best friends and have been since they were five, and then he has to move away when they're 17. Long story short, after multiple failed marriages, multiple children, and multiple screw ups, they finally end up together (when they're 50) and it is so not fair. Its kinda like (but not exactly) my situation. The whole, liking-a-good friend-but-not-wanting-to-tell-them-in-case-you-royaly-screw-things-up-and-never-speak-to-them-again kinda thing.
Can i ever get through a post without mentioning this guy?
I also think (going by all the comments my family has made) that i have a sunburnt back.
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No matter how many times you say goodbye, You and I, Are unfinished
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Lemon Pie!!!!!
My day was pretty good today. I woke up feeling really cruddy. So I stayed home from school. And i tried to sleeo in. But somewhere near our house, this truck kept reversing, so it was making that annoying reversing-truck noise and i couldn't get back to sleep :-( So I got up and checked my emails as my friend (see post below to find out which friend) said he'd email me in the morning. But he didn't email at all. And then (as we'd had a storm last night with loads of wind) mum walked in with a bucket full of lemons and was like "Emma. Make Pie" only, nicer, and more joking-y. And i was like, "Yay!! Pie!!!" and so i found a recipie for lemon meranguie pie. And I made Pie. And it was really, really good pie.
Oh yeah, that's my pie!! Doesn't it look good? And I think there's only one piece left and IT IS SO MINE!!
Anyway. so that's pretty much all i did. Well, i read some of my books. Oh, i was reading this one book 'Twilight' by Stephanie Meyer for all of you playing at home, and i got so frustrated. I've read the book mulitple times before and absolutly love it, but this time, one of the main characters, Edward, kept reminding me of my friend. The same one who was supossed to email me today, and the same one the below post is about. And the whole point i was reading was to try and distract myself. So i changed books.
That's actually all my day was. Apart from talking to some friends on msn. Oh, well i wrote some more.
I can't remember if i've mentioned this alredy, but the band has a name. And a website. We're called 'Above The Law' and our site is www.myspace.com/abovethelaw1992 go there!! and become our friend as we like having friends.
I'm gonna go watch Ab Fab or something, see yas.
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and one day, i hope i'll be safe in your arms. but right now, it don't look like that's ever gonna happen
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
......
What are you supossed to do when one of your close friends moves school? And i dont just mean how do you deal with them not being there anymore. How do you deal with the fact that they refuse to tell you what school they're moving to, except to say that its far away from where we are now. And how do you deal with the fact that he's said he wants to forget everyone at his old school, the school that you attened? And the fact that he hasn't said he won't, or can't, forget you? And the fact that, no matter how hard you try, you can't stop telling yourself you love him. Even though he'll never love you in the same way. Or at all. And that maybe it's all over. And that sure, it may have never meant to be, but that doesn't stop it hurting. Or stop that fact that you dont want to be just another forgotten face from his past. And the fact he refuses to tell you some things, and when you ask why, he says 'becuase its different' or 'because you wouldn't understand' but says that it has nothing to do with whether he can trust you or not. Just that you wouldn't understand. And refuses to tell you why you wouldn't understand. Or why he can't try you, just to see if you did understand. And i mean, maybe you wouldn't have understood. But you could have tried. You could have fucking tried.
So if anyone knows the answer to any of these questions, let me know? But for now i think i'll just go and cry alone in my room.
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I cant live without you, Can't breathe without you, I dream about you honestly.
So if anyone knows the answer to any of these questions, let me know? But for now i think i'll just go and cry alone in my room.
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I cant live without you, Can't breathe without you, I dream about you honestly.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
I almost have a social life!!
Weellll. Where to start...... Friday sounds good. As friday was a causual day for the year 7s and 8s. Of which i am one. So i got to wear casuals. We could either: dress up to the theme 'fairytale' and pay $1. Or just wear plain old casuals and pay $2. I did the latter. But someone said i looked like comando barbie. Coz you know. I have blonde hair. And a tiny waist. And boobs that big. *shify eyes* And then one of the girls in my class leant me her necklace and i wore it round my head with the pendant falling between my eyes for the rest of the day.
So all of that was good.
Then i had to catch a bus with a few other girls from my year level as we were going to a party. And one friend remarked on how you could tell i wasn't use to catcing the bus, and i asked her how she could tell (aside from the obvious fact that mum usually picks me up after school) she simply replied
"The bus is moving. And you're not getting on it"
So then we went and got on the bus. And we sat in the middle. Those of you who catch buses will know how important seating is. So we were on this bus, and it was all cool untill we got to the interchange, where most of the people got of, so the bus was basically empty. So we decided to commit public tansport suicide and sit at the very back. Oh aren't we rebels? And you should have seen the looks on some of their faces when the normal bus catchers walked on and saw about 10 girls who didnt belong there sitting at the very back. 'Twas hilarious. One of them literally stopped, stared. Then just yelled out "WHO ARE THEY!" And then they started throwing stuff at us. Like bits of muslei bar, deoderant lids, pencil sharpeners. And then this kid started unwrapping a freaking cupcake. Not a muffin, a cupcake. With frosting. I know, such a waste. So then they started throwing bits of this cupcake at us. The kid whoscake it was threw a bit at us and it went no where near us so i was just like "please tell me you dont play sport with that aim!?!" Then as we were getting off the bus they were like 'Pick up all your shit before you get off!' and 'The bus driver said youse have to clean the bus' and i told them that we'd taken all our stuff, the rest of it was theirs. And two of them called me a slut.
Then we had the party. And it was good. I stayed the night at a friends house friday, then a different friend stayed the night at mine last (sunday) night. Then earlier today we wrote a song together. Then she went home. Then i wrote more songs. Then i went on msn and talked to a couple of friends. And i was on webcam to one of them. And i started crying. And she dindn't notice. And it was good. Actually. It wasn't. But whatever.
Anyway. Not to why I started writing this post. To vent a bit. I was talking to this girl on a chat thing on saturday night (while another one of my friends was with me reading the conversation) and she (the girl i was talking to via the net) started asking me if i had any ideas for a new email address, beucase she wanted to 'start fresh'. Then she said that it wasn't like i was going to miss the chats that we had, so she wasn't really worried about that. Then said that i could be 'soo difficuly' sometimes (..she only just realised this?!?) Then accused me of ignoring her at school (um, hello, i don't see her at school! she's in a completly different area and our paths never cross), told me she had no fun in our conversations and said that our friendship was simple a 'boredom buster friendship'.... this was news to me.
Then she posted stuff on her blog saying how happy she was she had rid herself of a couple of friends (myself included) that meant nothing to her.
So that was a pretty low point in my weekend. But it was ok as i had a friend offer to kill her for me. And i vented about it in a song. And then the song changed so it wasn't about the situation as such. But i still like it. The song that is. Not so sure about the girl. I was talking to her earlier (still just on the computer) and she was talking like everything was normal. And then she apologized. After telling me my friendship meant nothing. Coz thats what everyone wants to hear.
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Somones gotta say it. So it might as well be me Don’t know how we got this way From how we used to be
So all of that was good.
Then i had to catch a bus with a few other girls from my year level as we were going to a party. And one friend remarked on how you could tell i wasn't use to catcing the bus, and i asked her how she could tell (aside from the obvious fact that mum usually picks me up after school) she simply replied
"The bus is moving. And you're not getting on it"
So then we went and got on the bus. And we sat in the middle. Those of you who catch buses will know how important seating is. So we were on this bus, and it was all cool untill we got to the interchange, where most of the people got of, so the bus was basically empty. So we decided to commit public tansport suicide and sit at the very back. Oh aren't we rebels? And you should have seen the looks on some of their faces when the normal bus catchers walked on and saw about 10 girls who didnt belong there sitting at the very back. 'Twas hilarious. One of them literally stopped, stared. Then just yelled out "WHO ARE THEY!" And then they started throwing stuff at us. Like bits of muslei bar, deoderant lids, pencil sharpeners. And then this kid started unwrapping a freaking cupcake. Not a muffin, a cupcake. With frosting. I know, such a waste. So then they started throwing bits of this cupcake at us. The kid whoscake it was threw a bit at us and it went no where near us so i was just like "please tell me you dont play sport with that aim!?!" Then as we were getting off the bus they were like 'Pick up all your shit before you get off!' and 'The bus driver said youse have to clean the bus' and i told them that we'd taken all our stuff, the rest of it was theirs. And two of them called me a slut.
Then we had the party. And it was good. I stayed the night at a friends house friday, then a different friend stayed the night at mine last (sunday) night. Then earlier today we wrote a song together. Then she went home. Then i wrote more songs. Then i went on msn and talked to a couple of friends. And i was on webcam to one of them. And i started crying. And she dindn't notice. And it was good. Actually. It wasn't. But whatever.
Anyway. Not to why I started writing this post. To vent a bit. I was talking to this girl on a chat thing on saturday night (while another one of my friends was with me reading the conversation) and she (the girl i was talking to via the net) started asking me if i had any ideas for a new email address, beucase she wanted to 'start fresh'. Then she said that it wasn't like i was going to miss the chats that we had, so she wasn't really worried about that. Then said that i could be 'soo difficuly' sometimes (..she only just realised this?!?) Then accused me of ignoring her at school (um, hello, i don't see her at school! she's in a completly different area and our paths never cross), told me she had no fun in our conversations and said that our friendship was simple a 'boredom buster friendship'.... this was news to me.
Then she posted stuff on her blog saying how happy she was she had rid herself of a couple of friends (myself included) that meant nothing to her.
So that was a pretty low point in my weekend. But it was ok as i had a friend offer to kill her for me. And i vented about it in a song. And then the song changed so it wasn't about the situation as such. But i still like it. The song that is. Not so sure about the girl. I was talking to her earlier (still just on the computer) and she was talking like everything was normal. And then she apologized. After telling me my friendship meant nothing. Coz thats what everyone wants to hear.
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Somones gotta say it. So it might as well be me Don’t know how we got this way From how we used to be
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
It snowed. It freaking snowed!!!!
In case you counldn't guess from the title of this post, today it snowed. It FREAKING SNOWED!!! In BALLARAT!!!! In SPRING!!! Awesome much? But was annoying as out teacher wouldn't let us go play in the snow AND THEN HE CLOSED THE CURTAINS SO WE COULDN'T WATCH THE SNOW!!! And it's like, never gonna happen again!!!! We were so pissed off.
ANNOUNCEMENT ANNOUNCEMENT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!! I am trying in a band. So far we've got:
Kate - piano
Elissa - guitar and sining
Jacky - says she'll do drums
Me- singing a bit and maybe lissa will teach me a bit of guitar, which would be awesome!!
We might do a few covers i guess, but i think we're gonna try and write alot of our own stuff. We've already started writing today!! Personally I'm a lyrics first, music later kind of girl. Only becuause i can't write music. Anyway. If you want to read the song the song i wrote myself last night, go here: www.asylmbound.blogspot.com and its the one called (How Can You) Forget Me. As soon as we've finshed writing the one we were working on today, i'll post that there as well, so keep checking back! It shouldn't take too long hopefully!! Kate worked on writing down the melody for the unfinished song, and she's gonna try and write some guitar chords and stuff for it as well.
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how can my life be such a work in progress? the scafloldings falling down and you dont even care
ANNOUNCEMENT ANNOUNCEMENT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!! I am trying in a band. So far we've got:
Kate - piano
Elissa - guitar and sining
Jacky - says she'll do drums
Me- singing a bit and maybe lissa will teach me a bit of guitar, which would be awesome!!
We might do a few covers i guess, but i think we're gonna try and write alot of our own stuff. We've already started writing today!! Personally I'm a lyrics first, music later kind of girl. Only becuause i can't write music. Anyway. If you want to read the song the song i wrote myself last night, go here: www.asylmbound.blogspot.com and its the one called (How Can You) Forget Me. As soon as we've finshed writing the one we were working on today, i'll post that there as well, so keep checking back! It shouldn't take too long hopefully!! Kate worked on writing down the melody for the unfinished song, and she's gonna try and write some guitar chords and stuff for it as well.
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how can my life be such a work in progress? the scafloldings falling down and you dont even care
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
My Give A Damn's Busted
Ever had one of those days where you just dont care what's going on around you? Or inside of you for that matter? I have. Today wasn't one of those days though. At least the whole day wasn't. I feel kida like that now though.
As you will know if you've read my previous post, yesterday my arms and right hand were bitten qutie a few times by some girls in my year level. All in fun. But I STILL HAVE A MARK on my hand where one of them bit me. This happened over 24 hours ago and there's still a mark!!
So. My day today wasn't to bad i dont think. I can never remember much of my day unless i really think about it, i have such a bad memory! Anyway, first period was just editing some film footage, then there was a power surge and we lost all the stuff we'd done. Second was science which was just building this stoopd machine type thing - you dont want to know. third was maths, followd by english and last period we had art. But we spent most of art watching the melbourne cup stuff in the AV room. Nothing to big to report today.
OoOoOoOo. Next Monday after school i think im going to a song writing workshop. Which means i have to decide if i want to turn an existing poem into a song, or write a new one. And if i do decide to use an existing one, which one am i gonna use?!?!? Coz alot of my stuff's kinda emo, and i dunno if i want people i dont know readint it. Hell, i dont even want people i do know reading it. And then the stuff that isn't really emo, i dont like very much coz i dont think its as good. I'm sure i'll think of something. Hopefully they'll help us write music for it, coz i dont have a musical bone in my body and am really no good at stuff like that.
There was a reason i started writing this. I had something i wanted to say. But ive forgotten what that was. So know I guess i'll go and read over some poems and see if i want to use any of them in the workshop.
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i've been waiting all my life for you, for so long i thought i was asylum bound
As you will know if you've read my previous post, yesterday my arms and right hand were bitten qutie a few times by some girls in my year level. All in fun. But I STILL HAVE A MARK on my hand where one of them bit me. This happened over 24 hours ago and there's still a mark!!
So. My day today wasn't to bad i dont think. I can never remember much of my day unless i really think about it, i have such a bad memory! Anyway, first period was just editing some film footage, then there was a power surge and we lost all the stuff we'd done. Second was science which was just building this stoopd machine type thing - you dont want to know. third was maths, followd by english and last period we had art. But we spent most of art watching the melbourne cup stuff in the AV room. Nothing to big to report today.
OoOoOoOo. Next Monday after school i think im going to a song writing workshop. Which means i have to decide if i want to turn an existing poem into a song, or write a new one. And if i do decide to use an existing one, which one am i gonna use?!?!? Coz alot of my stuff's kinda emo, and i dunno if i want people i dont know readint it. Hell, i dont even want people i do know reading it. And then the stuff that isn't really emo, i dont like very much coz i dont think its as good. I'm sure i'll think of something. Hopefully they'll help us write music for it, coz i dont have a musical bone in my body and am really no good at stuff like that.
There was a reason i started writing this. I had something i wanted to say. But ive forgotten what that was. So know I guess i'll go and read over some poems and see if i want to use any of them in the workshop.
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i've been waiting all my life for you, for so long i thought i was asylum bound
Monday, November 06, 2006
Bite Marks On My Arm.
Well. My day was...... interesting to say the least.
There was a bit of drama between a couple of my friends. But i think only one of the two (that would be the one who was upset, in case anyone is wondering) knew that something was wrong.
Then my friends stole my shoes. This has happened before. Basically it means we have WAY to much time on our hands, and so need to kill some of this time by running around the queens wing (the part of school where all the yr 10s have their lockers) trying to get our shoes of one another. Like i said, way to much time.
This is the part of my story where the bite marks come in. I was talking to some girls in my year level after school, and one of them said something about the peg i had on my jumper (dont ask) and somehow we went from talking about the peg on my jumper, to having them bite me. This was over and hour ago and i still have a mark on my hand where one of them bit me. 'twas rather painful at the time.
I feel so tired. But i dont know why. I mean, i generally get enough sleep, so i dont think thats why im tired. Maybe im just stressing about stuff to mugh. I wish i could just forget it all for a week. Go away to a sunny island. With frinds of course. And the island would have to have alot or hot, shirtless, single guys, as was discussed today. *sigh* but since there's no chance of that happening, i guess i'll just keep dreaming.
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if you'd just tell me you loved me, all this crazy mess would suddenly make sense
There was a bit of drama between a couple of my friends. But i think only one of the two (that would be the one who was upset, in case anyone is wondering) knew that something was wrong.
Then my friends stole my shoes. This has happened before. Basically it means we have WAY to much time on our hands, and so need to kill some of this time by running around the queens wing (the part of school where all the yr 10s have their lockers) trying to get our shoes of one another. Like i said, way to much time.
This is the part of my story where the bite marks come in. I was talking to some girls in my year level after school, and one of them said something about the peg i had on my jumper (dont ask) and somehow we went from talking about the peg on my jumper, to having them bite me. This was over and hour ago and i still have a mark on my hand where one of them bit me. 'twas rather painful at the time.
I feel so tired. But i dont know why. I mean, i generally get enough sleep, so i dont think thats why im tired. Maybe im just stressing about stuff to mugh. I wish i could just forget it all for a week. Go away to a sunny island. With frinds of course. And the island would have to have alot or hot, shirtless, single guys, as was discussed today. *sigh* but since there's no chance of that happening, i guess i'll just keep dreaming.
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if you'd just tell me you loved me, all this crazy mess would suddenly make sense
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Why..
..is school so hard?
..is teenage love so painful?
..will blood on the pavement ruin your prom?
..am i always advice girl?
..do i never know what to say?
..can i solve other peoples problems, but not my own?
..is it that whenever i dont rush to tell people everything's fine, i get accused of not being as supportive as i usually am?
..do people tell me im not a decent person?
..why do i get to frustrated?
..do i just want to cry?
..can i never tell people how i really feel?
..do i have a headache?
..can i not spell very well?
..did i get hit on by random 19 year olds today?
..do i not understand shakespears 'merchant of venice'?
..do i like bad pop so much?
..do i want to be near him so much? not for any real reason. just to see him. to have him there. to hold him. it's not right.
..do i think i love him?
-------------------------------------------------------
without you. the earth turns. the sun burns. but i die. without you....
..is teenage love so painful?
..will blood on the pavement ruin your prom?
..am i always advice girl?
..do i never know what to say?
..can i solve other peoples problems, but not my own?
..is it that whenever i dont rush to tell people everything's fine, i get accused of not being as supportive as i usually am?
..do people tell me im not a decent person?
..why do i get to frustrated?
..do i just want to cry?
..can i never tell people how i really feel?
..do i have a headache?
..can i not spell very well?
..did i get hit on by random 19 year olds today?
..do i not understand shakespears 'merchant of venice'?
..do i like bad pop so much?
..do i want to be near him so much? not for any real reason. just to see him. to have him there. to hold him. it's not right.
..do i think i love him?
-------------------------------------------------------
without you. the earth turns. the sun burns. but i die. without you....
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Sup doooods?
Hello bambinos, i haven't posted here for a while. Not much has been going on, so thats why i guess.
Am going to the junior school play tonight. My sister's in it. Along with the rest of the junior school, but that's not the point. Im going out tomorrow night too, out with one of my friends for dinner. Then on saturday a different friend is coming over, it's his birthday to day. I gave him glow sticks (becuase everybody loves glowsticks) and a mix cd of crappy pop songs (becuase no one loves them) (except me). Don't know if he liked it or not as i didn't see him open it and havne't spoken to him since then.
He he. One of my friends found my blog. She told me off (in a joking way)(at least, i hope it was joking :S) about putting photos up. Then we talked bout how similar we are. Was fun. And she said i should enter poems in school competition. Said no. Is bad idea.
Hmmm. Don't really know what else to say. Umm. Am listening to 'Hits for Kids 4' has lots of crappy pop. Is good. Am also being advice girl again. I prob complain about that to much. I like doing it. And i like knowing my friends trust me enough to tell me these things.
I just remembered a thought i had last night. Is rather whiney of me, but may as well say it as it fills in time. Was llying in bed thinking of people as i often do (if you take that and turn it into anything dirty i will slaughter you) and was thinking of my day and how i hug people so much etc. and realised that all the people i hug are shorter than me. And i dont mind that. Really i don't. But just once I'd like to hug someone closer to my height, so I'm the one who can feel protected and safe and loved. I know that's a stupid thought. But i can't help what i think.
-------------------------------------------------------
without electricity we'd all be watching television by candle-light!
Am going to the junior school play tonight. My sister's in it. Along with the rest of the junior school, but that's not the point. Im going out tomorrow night too, out with one of my friends for dinner. Then on saturday a different friend is coming over, it's his birthday to day. I gave him glow sticks (becuase everybody loves glowsticks) and a mix cd of crappy pop songs (becuase no one loves them) (except me). Don't know if he liked it or not as i didn't see him open it and havne't spoken to him since then.
He he. One of my friends found my blog. She told me off (in a joking way)(at least, i hope it was joking :S) about putting photos up. Then we talked bout how similar we are. Was fun. And she said i should enter poems in school competition. Said no. Is bad idea.
Hmmm. Don't really know what else to say. Umm. Am listening to 'Hits for Kids 4' has lots of crappy pop. Is good. Am also being advice girl again. I prob complain about that to much. I like doing it. And i like knowing my friends trust me enough to tell me these things.
I just remembered a thought i had last night. Is rather whiney of me, but may as well say it as it fills in time. Was llying in bed thinking of people as i often do (if you take that and turn it into anything dirty i will slaughter you) and was thinking of my day and how i hug people so much etc. and realised that all the people i hug are shorter than me. And i dont mind that. Really i don't. But just once I'd like to hug someone closer to my height, so I'm the one who can feel protected and safe and loved. I know that's a stupid thought. But i can't help what i think.
-------------------------------------------------------
without electricity we'd all be watching television by candle-light!
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