When you're going through hell, just keep going

Well i haven't posted here for quite a while, have i? i've been using my other blog www.asylmbound.blogspot.com instead. But that's for poems and stuff i've written. Curretnly i can't rhyme my feelings, so ill just write them here.
Start of the holidays, sposed to be a great time right? Would be, if i hadn't just found out that my mum is going into hospital wednesday to have pre-cancer removed. And I'm completly obsessed with a guy who'll never love me back. I know, i can hardly compare the two. One is obviously worse than the other. My friends know about the boy situation, but im not sure about telling them about the pre-cancer. I think eventually I'll have to, but im not sure how they'll react, or even if i want them to know. I mean, it's just pre-cancer, and mum said 'it's nothing to cry about' LIKE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Any sentance with the words, have, I, and cancer in them, suck balls. Unless the sentance is 'I don't have cancer/pre-cancer'. Point is, I feel like shit. I dont wanna tell my parents, coz 'its nothing to cry about'. that and its just not something i would tell them. Im not sure about telling my friends, because i dont want them to......... i dont know why i dont wanna tell my friends. coz i dont want the world knowing i guess, coz i dont want them to judge. maybe becuase if i tell one of them, they'll all find out. and i dont want all of them knowing. maybe because telling them makes it real, and at the moment, i dont want to admit that. im just afraid that even if she does get it removed, that it'll come back or something. thinking about it, i dont really know much about cancer. except that it can kill you. and thats not really the most comforting thought in the world now, is it??
Its kinda funny if you think about it (funny weird, not funny ha ha) i dont want to tell my parents or friends these things. but ill pour them all out onto this blog where anyone one can read them. i guess its easier to tell things to people you've never met, and are never likely to meet, then someone you're gonna see for the rest of the year at least. easier to avoid judgement. or something. i dont know what im saying. not like that's new or anything. i never know what im saying. or thinking. i talk alot, but im starting to think that maybe that's just a defence mechanism. you know, be loud, scare people off, never let on that you're going through what seems like hell inside.
But then again, there's always that saying, 'When you're going through hell, just keep going' i mean, you've got to get out of there sometime, right?...........................